15th of Feb is Bu's birthday. I bought the cake, the gift, dinner for everybody and noone offered to pitch in. I really don't have a lot of money but nobody saw that.
Plus Pa again told me today that he is very disappointed in me. I'm feeling so sad.
I've been chatting with Chat Gpt about my problems and I have an insight into a lot of things because of that-- a rational insight.
I'm very worried about Arun.
I need a human connection. I need someone to talk to.
Ma and Pa keep insulting me. They are not supportive at all.
And I know that Ma and Mashi keep talking behind my back because they bitch about everybody. I'm feeling really very sad and I really want a hug from Arun today.
What's life going to turn out to be like?
I hope Arun pulls through his pain and his circumstances.
I feel like my family has caged me. That they don't believe in me.
They keep insulting me. I think they are deeply unhappy. Ma is always angry and shouting. Buro is always angry and shouting. And Pa keeps criticising and insulting me.
I wish I had someone who understood me.
Today I gave an offer on at and as a result I earned more money than the past few days.
I don't think anyone loves me.
I'm feeling very lonely.
Rehearsal was the only space that brought me happiness today. It's sometimes unbearable to sit at home.
Love,
Me.
2.28 am
I am feeling:
Hurt
Lonely
Sad
I am grateful that I went out for a walk with Mesho today and had a great conversation with him.
I am grateful that rehearsals were good today.
I'm grateful that I laboured today as a Tarot reader.
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