I had a dream that Arun and I were sitting somewhere and I tell him let's go for a smoke. I start leaving and he is behind me.
I go out in a space where there are lots of people, including Ma and Buro.
I start smoking and wait for Arun to join me. A girl asks me for my phone. I give her my phone. I then go and join Buro who is sitting with a framed photograph of Arun. I feel a little embarrassed of the photograph but I don't tell Buro anything.
I am waiting for Arun. I feel that he has got a hint that I am a renunciate and that's why he hasn't joined me.
The girl returns my phone.
I try calling him up but I see the girl has depleted my balance and I can't call him.
Finally, I set out to find him in the crowds. I find him in the place where we were first sitting, working on a computer.
I ask him why he hasn't joined me and I complain to him about the girl depleting my balance.
He does not say anything about why he hasn't joined me and he comes with me to meet Buro and Ma. Buro shows Arun the photograph and Arun gives him a smile.
I realise that it's all over between me and Arun in the dream because he went back and sat to work and did not join me.
And I move away and start crying in deep anguish at the pain of parting. Another woman also cries with me with her hand on my shoulder. Then I woke up.
Well... says a lot. I hope in waking life I don't cry like that. Have had enough anguish.
I'm going out for lunch.
Now to do my kriyas and pray and do yoga.
It's going to be a good day!
Love,
Me.
7.56 am
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