Since Saturday my schedule has all gone awry. I think it's because of my Periods. Today I spent all the time on my phone on social media and I thought a lot about Arun. I haven't been utilising my time to the best.
Then in the evening I met C. I don't know but he isn't up to it. He is a little blank, a little daft. Also, he seems to be a time waster just allowing life to drift by. And then he held my hand in a manner that I literally ended the meeting. I don't seem to meet any decent men. All men seem to want just one thing from me. (And I meet them only for work but they castigate work out of the window.)
Two men literally call me up every other day at odd hours of the night repeatedly. And this has been happening for a very long time. They send me desperate messages. And of course I ignore them. There seem to be no quality men left. And what is with the indecency?
Except my Arun. I should not complain about him. He is my archangel. I love him and value him. He is my sunshine, he is my rainbow in a gloomy sky.
Then Sa Li called and he was all complaints about everyone in his life. He is really very critical and I think a tad selfish. Well, that's just my opinion.
And I hung up the phone because I'm cooking dinner today.
I think so negatively about Ma, Pa, Buro and Arun, especially when I have my Periods. I should be grateful for this strong support system of worthy people that God has blessed me with. I must not be selfish. I can't complain so much. I should not.
All day long I thought about my sweetest heart. And I wish we were more than just friends. I wish it was alright for me to dial his number today and ask him what he ate and whether he slept well and how his party was. I so deeply love him. And I so ardently worship him and my parents and dote on my brother.
I hope Chotto likes the shirt I've got him for his birthday. I hope I can get Arun a nice shirt for his birthday this year. Does Arun like Cotton World? Does he appreciate the shirts I've got him? If he doesn't I hope I can get him a shirt from somewhere else, a place he likes.
I wonder how he is, whether he met some interesting people yesterday, some interesting girl may be?.... Did he have a good time?
I've been meaning to write my goals and script my plans but I've been so dimaag fried.
I'm frying chicken, and cooking a mushroom salad and a tomato soup to be served with bread and butter today. I hope Ma and Pa like it. I'm not going to meet Mashi today. I do love Mashi. I should look past her flaws, accept her and cherish her for the many ways she brings love into my life.
Today after meeting this C guy and talking to Sa Li I realise that I should be so grateful. God has blessed me with people like Arun, Ma and Pa who understand me. And even though Arun and I are just friends today I'm so so so grateful that he is a part of my life. I'll always remain devoted to him but may be I won't tell him that. I'll be his secret lover and admirer.
I'm feeling so emotional.
Social media is not good, not that much at least.
Now to fix dinner and sleep early.
Love,
Me.
8.07 pm
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