What in the name of God has happened to me? I've just been listening to music all day long, smoking cigarettes and daydreaming.
The positive is that it's not the worst thing to do to while away time so I needn't feel too guilty. I love music and I draw inspiration from it.
But I can't make a cloud of dreams my abode.
Yesterday was a dry day. And Arun and I went to Tap. His friend joined us at some point. She's rather nice. I was a little bugged at first because there were so many things I wanted to tell him but I'm glad I met her.
I really love him a lot. I can't shake the thought of him from my head. And today I decided I'll stop trying to do that. Because I realised that I feel guilty about so many things I do because I feel that I should be writing. But it's not wrong to watch videos and listen to music and read and meet friends and to think about your boyfriend all day long. In fact, it's quite natural. They are all worthy tasks that are the juice of what I put down on paper.
I find Arun so incredibly handsome and charming. I love spending time with him.
He's been so sweet to me recently. I don't know why. But I haven't got the chance to talk to him that much today and I won't call and disturb him. He's out and I know having me in his life is not the easiest thing for him.
I'll get down to some writing and I might just give that audition today.
Ma urged me today to start chanting again. I love Ma. She caught me smoking cigarettes downstairs today but she hasn't said a word about it.
Arun just called. I love him so deeply. I worship him. He's my greatest love. I hope he has a good day. And I hope to have an excellent day now.
Love,
Me
1.56 pm
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