I haven't been in the best of moods, and I must not obsess over Arun because whatever will be will be.
I feel a little sad and embarrassed.
Arun keeps talking about being scared that I'll slip. And that makes me feel like he may cast his net on other waters. I really wish he does not.
I feel because of this that the people who matter in my life may have lost their faith in me and that makes me very very sad. So sad that I could cry.
I did ask him the last time I met him about his fears but he kept quiet. I wish we could talk about it.
With this of course there is a resolve to live a meaningful, successful life, a happy life, a life that makes a difference.
I again woke up and switched on my music. I know, I know in my heart of hearts that I deserve success again and that happiness is mine for the asking.
God has blessed me with so much and taught me through experience the travails of human frailties.
Bu just messaged that Deepti's mother passed away. Life is so short. Ma and Pa are immensely valuable to me. People don't understand my love for Bu despite everything. It's this belief that he's my chotto.
Today is a better day than the last three days. And I hope in each moment I can muster the strength to be a better person than before and that the people who matter to me would forgive me for my digresses and embrace me and tell me that they believe in my worth and value me.
I love Ma. So much of her depth and vibrancy is in me.
So much of Pa's stoic heart and its ways I have inherited.
So much of Mashi's imagination is mine.
And there is so much I desire.
Nidhi told me the last time she met me: "That people may have abandoned you but don't abandon yourself."
May be life's experiences haven't always been very pleasant but that's everybody's story, right?
I remember this girl from French class, Ami, who thought she was very beautiful and was obsessed with her looks. She was, of course, very beautiful but her eyes were so sad.
With every obsession there's a downside.
With every desire come some obstacles.
With every ray of hope there are experiences to face.
And with every step I take I set a prayer.
Now, I'll have an amazing day and get on with my life.
I am grateful for many things. In fact, I'm grateful for all of life.
I am grateful for my handsome, charming boyfriend. I hope he never lets me down.
I am grateful for my beautiful, lovely Shona Ma.
I am grateful for my super suave Shona Pa.
I am grateful for my super handsome chotto bacha.
I am grateful for the times I've failed because without those times I wouldn't have valued
people and I wouldn't have my new perspective on success and my newfound respect for life and people.
I am grateful for music that touches my soul.
I am grateful that my life is so valuable and that I'm leaving a deep impact on people and society.
I am grateful for writing.
I am grateful for reading.
I am grateful that I woke up healthy, fit and fine today.
I am grateful for wisdom.
I am grateful for love and happiness.
I am grateful for all the food I eat.
I am grateful for the doctors in my life.
I am grateful that I love Arun; he brings such deep meaning to my life and anything I say or do in expression falls short in depicting my true feelings. I hope we are always loyal and committed.
I am grateful for the beautiful trees around me and the chirping birds.
I am grateful for the vast sky and the deep oceans.
I am grateful for this beautiful home I call mine.
I am grateful for all the people I meet.
I am grateful for my mind, body and soul.
I am grateful for beauty.
I am grateful for all of life's experiences.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings that shine through me.
I am grateful that I'm accepted and loved.
Love,
Me.
9.37 am
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