I'm feeling a little sad and a little hurt. Because everytime I've played the cards in many months the three of swords has come up. I know that the cards don't lie but of course karma and destiny are ever mutable and knowing that I never feel so despondent.
I know Arun betrayed me those months I was so low and hibernating and lost. Because the cards never lie.
He did say he met girls way more beautiful than me. He would have left I know those days if he could. I would never ever leave him, never let him go.
I know that God has graced me with gifts manifold but one thing he didn't give me is outer beauty but to make up for that he's made me ever-growingly beautiful from the inside.
Frankly, I don't think Arun would be able to judge a beautiful person from the inside if he saw one. I don't like his taste in beauty at all. He's also told me often that I'm not his type. Then it must be my love thats been the tight glue that holds us together. The people he so lauds with praises of beauty I don't find that beautiful frankly. I judge people more from other measures of beauty.
I find him most handsome because his sweet heart really shines through his face. And his expressions keep changing according to how he's feeling and he's so adept at wearing his heart on his sleeve that his face can't hide his inner emotions. I know when he's happy, I can tell when he's sad. And I'm deeply in love with him and everything about him. Especially how he's got so stuck with me even though I'm so far from being the girl of his dreams.
His inner world is so vibrant that he looks so appealing. That I think is true handsomeness. The people he finds so handsome and beautiful I don't find that appealing. So we differ greatly in taste.
Like Dimma always told me: "The face is the mirror of the mind and the eyes are the windows to the soul." I fell in love with his beautiful eyes that can't lie even though he's lied in speech a lot.
I know I'm not so outwardly beautiful by his measures and I know this hurt and pain I'm feeling now will pass. Because I know that winter always turns into spring and a long night is always followed by the sunrise. And of course that the world will never end. So I don't have any reason to feel this hurt and feel so pained. I can let go of this. It's my choice. So I won't harp on it. A little patience goes a long way.
And may I grow only more beautiful from the inside. Some day I know I'll brighten up the world with my radiance and then even on dreary nights the world will see light, and everybody will have hope.
I hope to not make a single being I encounter feel hopeless. May I give hope to all.
Love,
Me.
1.09 pm
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