Today I kept all my fears aside, wore a nice dress and stepped out to meet casting directors. My friends have been telling me to do this for a very long time.
I met a few casting directors and I did lie about my age a bit but not so much. It feels weird to lie about your age. I think I'll keep my focus here. One girl who shot my video at mccc said she's seen me in Broken Mirror. That was nice to hear.
I really hope to land some good work. The stars are aligning and I can't afford to be scared.
Additionally Arun didn't go to work today. I love him. And I hope for the best on this front too.
I met this casting director from Delhi called Raghav who invited me for a party and said you'll meet directors there. Let's see. I told him I have a strict deadline at home and have to leave by 11 max.
After my experience in 2019 doing the same thing I've felt very scared to approach people for work. The film industry is a very dirty place. And the casting couch exists. And I have to protect myself more than I need to work. But I have a good feeling.
I can't afford to be inhibited and scared.
And I really want to make Arun, Ma, Pa and Buo proud. In a span of one year Arun has come to mean so much to me.
Of course I know that he's married. But somewhere deep down inside me I hope that I can share love with him in this lifetime. No guy has meant what he means to me and I personally can't afford to lose him. And I really should give him his space. And own my space.
I'm feeling so much better today. It felt so good to go and say hello to all these people.
Age, of course, is not on my side like it was 5 years ago and then came the lockdown. But it's never too late.
I have to meet a casting director called Aditya Surana on Thursday and Raghav too. Let's see how all this goes.
I'll go and spend quality time with Ma now and get some writing done.
This is going to be my weekly ritual now, meeting casting directors. That's my effort.
Love,
Me.
I am grateful for this beautiful life.
I am grateful that I woke up healthy today.
I am grateful for the lovely brunch I ate today.
I am grateful for Ma and Pa. I love them.
I am grateful for Buo and Sadhya.
I am grateful that I met people today who I will work with.
I am grateful that everywhere I went today people were courteous and respectful.
I am grateful for utilising my time well today.
I am grateful for Arun and all that comes with him.
I am grateful that I feel happy today.
I am grateful for my home, my bed and the money I have.
I am grateful that I'll be quitting smoking soon.
I am grateful for the beautiful evening ahead of me.
5.51 pm
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