I have been exhaustingly busy for the past two days. I've got a job under a pseudonym with one of India's leading Astro portals and it's racy, it's rewarding, it's meaningful and of course it's exceedingly exhausting.
I have only got five star ratings so far and the people who consult me for Tarot readings show so much gratitude. My customer satisfaction rate is hundred per cent. I've already in two days got loyal clients who are booking long sessions with me. I speak the truth. I tell them some things are not possible. And yet despite not saying the positive lie they give me fantastic ratings and reviews and come back again.
So there is space for genuineness in this world. In fact, sincere genuine encouragement is much appreciated. To show care is not an underrated thing.
The money is not enormous but you know what I'm very very grateful.
So I was telling Ma this. And after I packed up after a day's work she snapped at me disapprovingly about reading Tarot and passed some snide comments. Pa piped in. And I of course when faced with unfairness always react angrily. I can't hold myself back. And just till a while ago Ma was screaming, and Pa was shouting at me.
Arun is showing support. But does he also feel the same way? Because yes, there's a general belief amidst my close ones that this is all mumbo jumbo.
I'm feeling very disheartened by this kind of reaction by my parents.
I went down to smoke a cigarette and drink a Thums Up, feeling angry and discouraged. I have been feeling discouraged by my loved ones for many years now because I feel they fail to show faith in me.
Then I remembered that Shakyamuni Buddha explains in the Lotus Sutra that when a good seed of karma is sown the devilish functions will arise to create obstacles and hurdles. That is when you perseveare, that is when you solidify the rooting of that seed of good karma. It has to become a strong plant to weather the storms of life. So that makes me grateful.
Swami Vivekananda says that if you don't face difficulties, if there is no opposition then be rest assured that you are not on the path of your purpose. He says that if people are not denouncing you, you can be sure that you are not following your heart.
After the last fight with Arun he has become very mellow. I've seen him like this before. The other day we went out and he said he'll pay the cheque by 9 and we left before 9.45 pm. I don't know what I'm doing with him. It brings tears to my eyes.
Of course we talk, but I feel that he has distanced himself a bit in how much he opens up. Did I hurt him that badly? And why doesn't he want to spend time with me anymore? Where are we headed? Nowhere, that's what he'll say and that really hurts a lot too. May be I've been keeping engaged of late after the last fight because I don't want to face the truth, the reality of this relationship. If anything were to happen to jeopardize it, I'd be very sad.
Also, when he picks Tarot he always picks the Devil. It's a card he's chosen often. Well. We played Tarot the last time we met and I thought that would lighten the mood but in less than five hours we were saying goodbye. And that feels like a very short time with him. I dont want to hurt. And that is also a pain I have to process.
Anyway, I'll cherish him for the time he gives me and count my blessings. I love him a lot.
I admire him. He's so cute. And I love my togetherness with him. How does he feel?
I care about Arun and I care about all my loved ones. To be loved as I have learnt is not a smooth journey. There are brambles, and there are thorns. But the wildflowers flutter amidst it and the roses and lavenders give off their fragrant waft and it's all bearable. Because you don't grow roses without thorns, right?
Anyway when I messaged Arun a little over half an hour ago he was online but he ignored my message. I sound like my angsty Tarot clients at work. But I have noone to discuss him with. And when it comes to my own life I really am my own counsel.
Anyway, I'm sad that in over a month I will have to quit my job as a Tarot consultant. I love it so much. I hope I have the opportunity again after my Yoga course.
I really don't know which way I'm going.
But I know my vow. And even if I've not done anything I've at least never forgotten my vow and my oath. And I know that life is going to be fantastic but I also know that I won't be able to predict its opening and I won't even see it coming.
I guess I won't call Arun up. May be he'll get disturbed. I'll shower, clean my room, arrange my bed, read a bit and sleep. I need to sleep.
May tomorrow be fantastic!
Gratitude to all who grace my life and for all my experiences and to God for His infinite love, Grace and blessings.
Oh, also I met Rahul Majumder today. But I I don't want to talk about him right now.
Love,
Me.
10.58 pm
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