I absolutely love my boyfriend. I love him even more today than ever.
Yesterday, he said many things. But methinks I've also said things to him over messages when I've been upset. And I'm going to let all his nasty words go. I won't think about them at all.
But I'll never forget that this time he said he actually wants to leave me. And I'm so grateful that he isn't.
I really really love him.
I love him when he's sad. And I dote on him when he's happy. I think he's a fireball when angry and most adorable when he is sweet.
And I won't hold our fight of yesterday against him at all. When you forgive, forgiveness should be absolute. So I won't even bring it up.
I just hope that he is happy to be with me. And that he loves me too.
I've set myself a deadline of July 15, Ma's birthday, to finish my novel and I hope it turns out well. Keeping my fingers crossed.
It's nice to be a part of Jessica's group. It's very helpful.
Arun said let's give each other a break till Saturday. Of course, all he's asking for is space and I'll give him all the space he wants.
As long as he is with me I can give him absolutely anything. Even if he isn't with me I can literally lay everything at his blessed feet and hold his sacred hands each day and shower him with my love and adorations.
What makes me love him so much? It may seem obviously that it's because he loves me too. That's a major reason, of course.
But I'm actually a great admirer of his. I understand him and I know what an amazingly wonderful humanbeing he is.
I respect him deeply. I love him completely and may God grant me his love and togetherness.
I know not how long the road is
Or how far ahead,
I know not what destiny has in store
And whether it's blue, yellow and red.
But I do know that I love deeply
That one man who melts my soul,
And I know that having him in my life,
Makes me happy, solemn and whole.
I hope to have the wisdom
To accept him and love him through storms,
And I hope I always have the means
To make him feel sweet, cozy and warm.
I love the smell of his skin,
And I love his blessed heart,
And I love him when he's angry
And when he sneezes and farts.
May I accept him wholly
No matter what he says or does,
And let me pour into his life
All my moist, healthy love.
May you grant me dear God
This superpower I wish to have
That no matter what he says or does
I'm a constant and I lovingly him clasp.
Let me never err again dear God
When he is hurting and speaks hurtful words,
Give me the courage dear God
To let strifes pass and let me make him feel loved.
May I always make him feel precious
And blessed to have me in his life,
And may I always operate from a place
Of love and honour and be just and kind.
For all the treasures in this world
I couldn't let him go,
And I hope that through my writing of this,
This he will surely know.
Now, to chant, pray and meditate. Now to eat lunch and then spend three hours writing.
Love,
Me.
1.17pm
Ps: I really hope Arun doesn't mean it when he says he's scared of me. That makes me very sad. But I can let that pass too. May be he's scared now and later he won't be. I really feel like calling him up just to tell him that I love him. For all my life I'll tell him those three words in different ways. But I won't call him because he said Let's Not Get Under Each Other's Skin Till Saturday. So I think I'll respect that. How God have I really found him? And why do I love him so deeply? I'm sure it's a karmic cosmic connection even though I don't dwell on it that much. But I'm sure he was meant to happen. With him I'm so in the moment and I cherish every moment with him. May I never react as I did last night when he is hurting and saying hurtful words. I love him, I honour him and I respect him. And I love his hands and his feet and his body and his soul. And I really hope he forgives me too and doesn't say again that he's scared of me. I'm not perfect but I'm perfectly potty about him. I'll never forget that he said that he does not want to be with me. And I'll never forget that he said he feels I'm not right in the head. That really hurt me a lot more than anything else that he said yesterday. Of course, I do trust him. And I'll never ever hurt him ever again. Well, I'll count my blessings today. May be sometimes you love someone but you have to live with the fact that that person doesn't believe in you and lacks faith in your abilities. I won't further crib or complain here now. I really love him. And I believe in him. And I have faith in him. And I have faith that I'll go very far.
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