I am still smarting from all of Arun's nasty words the day before yesterday.
It's going to take me some time to recover.
It hurts so much that he has such a low opinion of me.
I do love him.
But I'm really very very hurt.
I don't think after all the things he said I'll be the same person with him. Of course, he meant all those words. And he also said he wants to break up with me. Why didn't he?
He doesn't think I'm beautiful. He's said that at least a million times. And he has no faith in me. That he's conveyed at various points in our relationship. I don't think he'll ever change his mind because that's what judgmentality is like.
Anyway, I'm still with him. And he'll say all those things again. Because he always does.
Nobody has been as rude as he has been with me. I don't want to talk to him for some time.
Of course, I will forgive him. But I know that people don't change.
He's expressed explicitly that he doesn't think much of me. And that really hurts a lot.
It's not like we do anything but drink together. We don't do any work together as I understand because he doesn't think much of me. Does he like anything about me at all? I'm sure he doesn't like me at all like he told me.
I'm really very hurt. I frankly need some time off from him because I don't even feel like touching him after his nasty words.
Love,
Me.
I am grateful that I woke up bright.
I am grateful for the lemon juice Pa makes for me each day.
I am grateful for all the people who grace my life.
I am grateful for this beautiful day.
I'm grateful for this wonderful life.
I am grateful for love.
8.54 am
Ps: I really hope I can forgive him. Frankly, if someone thinks the kind of things he said he thinks about me we shouldn't be together, right? Why is he with me when he doesn't think much of me, when he doesn't like me at all, when he thinks I have a problem in my head? Frankly, I think he has a huge problem in his head. I'm not going to kiss him for some time. I need to heal. Why do the people I love try me like this? I don't think he loves me. Otherwise he would not have said the things he said. I'm very very heartbroken. And I hope I don't give him too much mindspace today. He shouldn't be with me since he disrespects me so much.
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