I hope I sleep tonight.
I know Arun is also seeing someone else. In the past three months he's given me enough reason to believe that he makes plans to meet someone else during the weekends and he lies about it.
If that's the case, and I think it is, I'll let him go.
He fought with me a lot in the last two three days saying he has to take his daughter out and meet his friends and that he doesn't want to meet me on the weekend.
Then about over an hour ago he said he wants to meet me tomorrow. I won't meet him. He can't take me and my time so for granted.
There's always the allure of being with other people especially if you've been together for over a year and still haven't had sex. But I can't trust him to be loyal today. Especially, since I know he's clearly lying.
I do love him. But if he wants to date other people, which he clearly does, I'll let him go.
This evening, I met Dheeraj. It's really nice to have a friend with whom you can share your problems. I told him how tough my periods are and how I always feel so low during that period. He said that I should just accept it that that's the way it is and it'll get easier.
I also told him about how difficult career building has become for me because people feel I should work for a lower salary. And he said that the path will become clearer. May be life has some other plans for me.
Then after talking for a long time, we had pav bhaji and ice cream and he went back to Santacruz.
I would never imagine that after being so hard on me during our course, he would be friendly and I told him that. He said that the reason he was so hard on me was because he felt that I had a lot of energy and that I need to calm my nerves and really practice yoga and be serious about it.
Any way, that's that about him.
I really wish if Arun has friends like these he would be more honest. But the very fact that he lies about it means it's not just friendship it's something more. And that really really hurts. I love him. He's such a cute person and I think he'll never find anyone like me ever. And I won't find another him.
When he called me back he said he was at Salt. And then on our last call he said he was with someone else and he'll tell me about it later. Then why in the name of God did he lie?
He's a stupid stupid boy.
Anyway, I sent him a barrage of messages but I don't want to fight with him. And if the truth reveals and I find out he's been dating someone else, I will let him go. Because there's really no need to lie whether you're meeting a guy or a girl. If you lie it's because there is something to hide.
Any way, I hope he sleeps well and wakes up fresh and rosy and that we don't fight and that he's honest with me about his whereabouts.
I also met Nidhi today. It was a very ok session.
Dr Rao has brought all my medication to most minimal dosage.
I really hope I sleep well today.
And I really hope Arun is honest with me and if he is, I think I'll let it be even though I said otherwise on whatsapp. I really do love him.
My periods don't allow me to think straight.
Love,
Me.
I am grateful that I met Dheeraj today.
I am grateful for Arun and all that comes with him.
I'm grateful for my Rockstar parents and my sweet little brother.
I am grateful that I had yummy food today.
I'm grateful that my medicine dosages have come down.
I am grateful for my beautiful home.
I'm grateful for all my possessions.
I am grateful for my phone and laptop.
I am grateful for the internet.
I am grateful that when I wake up it'll be a glorious day.
1.48 am
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