We just came back from Pishomoshai's 80th birthday celebrations. I do not like Abhi kaku.
I shook his hand to congratulate him on Ishita's baby and he took his hand away. That's a very bad sign.
Additionally, Arun sounded very disinterested in me today. He didn't call me that much and it's been like that for quite sometime.
Of course he is loving. But then he's like that with everyone. He's a natural at sweet talking his way around. And he's not very honest.
When we went to Tap on Saturday with his friend throughout the first innings he just spoke to him and ignored me. He also kept staring at his female friend M throughout the first innings.
Additionally, and I take this very seriously, I am constantly getting the three of swords when I pick for our relationship. This has been happening for months. He is betraying me that I know. But how? Is there somebody else?
I'm a little pained you know. I really love him. But may be things are all a little woozie.
Also, I've been daydreaming. Whenever I daydream I know I'm escaping some harsh fact about reality that I'm too scared to face.
May be it is this relationship. This relationship is one I've been most invested in emotionally and it's really tough.
By the way I think Arun has the most mesmerising eyes in the whole world. Any girl who looks at his eyes will love him. And you know what, I don't trust that he will restrain himself from another girl's advances. For some reason I don't trust him on that account. Because he is very flirtatious.
I spent some good time with Pa today at the party. I told him that I love his depth of character and I'm really proud to be his daughter.
Anyway, frankly I've been most in love with A recently. I've fallen head over heels for him.
And I really don't like this heartache. And I really don't like this pain.
The heart is most unreasonable.
Pa and Ma and Dimma and Dadu have taught me that love is everything but relationships need work and endurance.
May be I should distance myself a little from Arun for some time.
I know I'm not perfect but I know I'm an amazingly beautiful person. Because when I see people around me like I did at today's party I know that for some reason people don't really get the value of virtue. If at all my relationship with A is getting jeopardized that'll be it.
But I know I wouldn't date anybody else. Not after him. And I really wish that there is no after him.
This is difficult. But nothing good comes easy.
Anyway, I played with Naina today and spoke to Pisho. I do not like Abhikaku but I love Pisho. He is such a gentleman. This silly royal family feels so crooked.
And I think both Naina and Neel are fantastic. Naina will grow to be a beautifully sweet woman.
It's also so difficult to talk to Buro. He is always proselytizing.
Anyway, lobe is a worthy cause no matter where when and how. In fact, love is all there is.
I actually really love Arun but something doesn't feel so right today.
Love,
Me.
2.43 am
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