I am still very upset. I can't trust Arun at all.
It's so obvious he was with a chick on Saturday and that he lied about it. I actually don't want to meet him for some time. I actually need a break from him. Because he hurt me so badly.
I don't think I can trust him.
If I tell him that I need some time off, that is going to exacerbate things.
He has hurt me very badly.
Any way, I hope to have a productive day today.
I can tear up thinking about it.
Biswada said he will meet me today.
I wish for my life to open up in a million different ways.
I wish, I so wish that Arun was a more honest and trustworthy man.
I have no clue what will happen now, but this must be God's cruel joke.
I spoke to Aktharullah today. It's nice to have friends. Life is good because I make it good.
I actually don't want to see Arun for some time. Chatting with him will be more than enough.
I really pray that God is kinder to me. Why have I fallen in love with A like this? Why? Why? Why?
And why does he hurt me like this?
And I really feel I can't trust him. That's his doing. He hasn't conducted himself in a trustworthy manner. And he has hurt me very very badly.
When we first started going out he blamed his wife for all his cheating ways. I don't believe that she gave him any reason actually.
I haven't hurt him. I've always been honest and loving. Then why did he do this to me?
Why does he lie like this? I think I deserve better. I'm not going to meet him today or tomorrow because I just don't feel like it.
And I'm not going to spend a lot of time with him.
My heart has broken into a million different pieces with his deception.
I really feel like crying at this loss of trust.
And plus he was so rude to me in front of his friend.
Yes, with his another lie things have changed for me.
For the past three months we have rarely if ever met on Saturdays.
Why doesn't he break up with me? Why does he give so much pain?
He is not likely to marry me. And I really don't think he loves me as much as he says he does.
I really hope I can keep my mind off him and have a productive day.
Ma said she wants to do yoga with me.
I don't know what to do. And I hope God will give me signs about the path to take.
I feel very sorry for myself. I don't know what my destiny is. I don't know where I'm headed. And I don't want to meet or talk to Arun for some time. He's really broken my heart very very badly. Is it alright to go on even when I don't trust him?
He must trouble his wife so much with all his lies. And I haven't even done anything wrong to him. I've never wronged him. Then why did he do this to me? What must I do now?
What's the right thing to do?
I wish there was a sign.
Yesterday I called him many times and he said he doesn't want to talk to me.
Knowing him, he'll put all the blame on me.
I really want to do the right thing. And I don't want to be treated like this. I don't deserve this treatment.
I have half a mind to block him for some time because I really want to clear my head.
But I won't do that.
I think I'll go to the beach for some time today, buy myself some wine and pour all my troubles into the vast Arabian Sea. If Biswada is alright with it, I'll go with him.
Arun has abused my trust very badly.
Love,
Me.
I am grateful for everything. Even this pain I'm going through will end up teaching me a lot.
I am grateful for my beautiful life and all the people who adorn it.
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