After two whole days, I finally got the chance to talk to Arun over the phone.
He shouted a lot at me, saying he is very scared of me and that is why he lied. Now I think that's bullshit. He told me I never let him do anything and that I always keep a check on him. That is even bigger bullshit. But that's him. And I love him, truly deeply. I really really love my boyfriend. With all his flaws he is the most adorable thing to have ever happened to me. It's so funny how all the blame can be turned on me. Even Ma is just like that.
I find so many similarities between Arun and Ma. They both have the same personality type. And they are both my heartbeat, my very soul. I love him even more when he doesn't bat an eyelid to make a point. Ma is also just like that.
I know I can be trying. And I said a lot of things over messages to him and I feel terrible about it. I really hope he's in a perky mood and that he calls me. I really hope we can close this fighting chapter and look ahead afresh.
He told me he'll never cheat on me. He told me that he really loves me. And I really wanted to hear that.
I wish I could call him up now just to hear his voice but he'll get very bugged.
I love him so deeply, it's unimaginable that I would ever hurt him. And yet I do with my long winded messages. I must not keep doing that. I know how tiresome it must be for him.
But yesterday I lost all sense of time and space because I was so upset. And I don't think being in the peak of my periods helped at all. No one really understands how tough my periods are for me.
I'm so happy that despite all my messages that he was with a friend yesterday. I am not happy that he shouted at me in front of him.
I wish I could see him and smother him.
I wish I could be forgiven by him for my own flaws.
And I really wish he is happy, as happy as happy can be.
And I wish there was a way for me to tell him that I'm thinking about him and that I really really do love him, his handsomeness and his soul.
Love,
Me.
I am grateful for my boyfriend and all that comes with him.
I am grateful for my parents.
I am grateful for my heroic brother.
I am grateful for Sadhya.
I am grateful for whatsapp.
I am grateful for food.
I am grateful for Pepsi.
I am grateful for chocolates.
I am grateful for ice-cream.
I am grateful for love.
I am grateful for life.
I am grateful that Arun patched up with me. I hope I don't try him again and that he truly forgives me.
3.16 pm
Ps: I have no reason to not trust my boyfriend. Sometimes may be he just needs space to wallow and think. And I'm sure there are a million things on his mind that he is loathe to talk about. I understand that. And I actually love him even more for that. Yes, when he lies I get exasperated but the reasons always turn out to be so lame. He is my cuteheart. He is my sweetest heart. And I love him more today.
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