Today all day I thought about Arun. About letting him go. Mind you, I am not confused. I love him and want him in my life. But I still dont know if I should wait for him romantically. That conversation needs to be had so that I gain some clarity. For now I think Ill let it rest and keep chanting for him.
He just replied to my Bijoya message a while ago. He is shooo cute. He has such a cute personality. I find that adorable.
Today I woke up close to 11. There was a crowd of people in my dream but what we were doing in my dream I dont remember.
I had my two juices and got onto a call with TAurad. I think Im quitting Metamorph. For such a paltry pay, with little assistance when I reach out, with Tanya complaining and making excuses I think Ive had quite enough.
My laptop wasnt supposed to be with me on this sojourn because Im getting it back only tomorrow.
Four months without a laptop= Four months at Metamorph. Im grateful that I could pay Arun.
In the afternoon I sat and chanted. Then DiPan came home. AstAro is having her enshrinement today but she didn't invite me.
Today I got messages from Madhav and Madhav's mom about the classes. I had to clarify their doubts. I wonder why TAurad didn't reach out to them.
Madhav's mother is a handful.
I wish I could work with Arun. There is so much to learn from him.
Ma is making Ghoogni.
Eshna and Shanky's birthday is coming soon.
Where am I going wrong?
I think I'll go to Goa... just to relax.
1. Something I accomplished.
I am going to work on my book. Each day I plan to work on it after journalling. I accomplished managing relationships. I accomplished controlling what I consume from the media. So I read this beautiful article today-- you are what you watch everyday.
2. Something I handled well.
I handled Madhav's mom, Madhav and TAurad quite well I think. I told TAurad that Im trying my level best. She told me that when there are issues I should complain to her. But 'Complaint erases good fortune. Gratitude increases good fortune.' I am not in the habit of bitching about other people and complaining. DiPan told me that she finds me inspiring because Im so non-judgmental and so non-bitchy. I dont know if she meant it. But yes, i dont participate in emotional politics because I think that that is emotional atyachaar.
3. Something I appreciated.
I love the fact that Ma is making Ghoogni with mutton. Im so grateful to Arun for blessing me today. Im also grateful to Metamorph. I am grateful for these days when Im learning so much. I spent quality time with Pa today. I hope I get another job soon.
4. Something I did for my future self.
I smoked far fewer cigarettes today. Im going to have a bath and work on my book. I bathed today. I nourished myself thanks to Ma and Pa. All in all I dont know where the time whooshed by.
I am feeling:
Happy
Grateful
Peaceful
Excited for dinner
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life.
Love,
Me.
7 56 pm
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