I just returned from a longish walk. I didn't think much during the walk kind of brisking it through. I went to the beach and spent about 5 minutes there. All about me were families and couples revelling. There is a mild level of subliminal stress oweing to an altercation with Ma in the morning. The air was breezy this evening and the waves raged with thorough power. All in all I feel rejuvenated.
In the morning I woke at 5.41 am. I slept an unbroken sleep. I quickly gulped down my lemon juice with honey and proceeded to chant and meditate. Then to embrace the glorious morning I donned my walking shoes and stepped out for my walk.
The air was crisp and heavy. The eaŕly morning dewey perfume from the foliage around me engulfed my olfactory senses. It was a fresh morning and I was in a good mood.
(The phone has been acting up. I just switched it off and switched it on.)
I went to the temple and then had my first cigarette.
I came home and ate a banana and a mango and set to 40 minutes of yogasanas. The left side of my pelvic girdle is stiff. For the past few days I've been finding it difficult to sit in sukhasana leave alone padmasana! My yoga session was rejuvenating.
I ate a breakfast of chila with a cup of tea. Ma came back from her walk. She was hungry and fried herself some Goan Pork sausages. And then over something so minor she completely lost it and went beserk. She shouted, she screamed, she pointed fingers, she shook her whole body in rage. She was so aggressive! She even shut the door on my face and refused to open it!
That brought me to tears. Ever since I was small Ma has been insulting like this. She has physically scarred me for life. I think she has some underlying undiagnosed mental health problem. She is a little too aggressive. The mood this altercation left me in was negative. Sometimes some people in life can be quite difficult! Ma is far from gentle.
I tried to not smoke a cigarette after this stressful repartee. Instead I had a bath and wore my light blue with white stripes shirt and denims. Then I buried myself in the news. Instead of escaping my feelings from this fight I accepted all the negative emotions that came with it. This caused the negativity to linger all day.
I then packed in a bottle of water, wore my cap and headed out to Adarsh Nagar for a meeting. I took a bus on the way there and the Metro on my way back. It was hot and sweltering. Thank God I had the bright idea to wear my cap. I handed my resume to the lady I met and chatted with her briefly. She smiled and said she would call me.
I came home to Melon, Kittoo, Ma, Pa and an airconditioned room. I sat and sent emails. I ate posto bata which was yum, dal with chorchori, macher tel with rice. I polished it off with a mango. Then I lay and rested for about 15 minutes.
I also worked on my novel today.
I read Daisaku Ikeda, and a chapter of Helen Keller's autobiography. Then I made myself a cup of tea and chanted. Then I walked. And here I am.
There is a belief in Buddhism: "Illnesses arise when evil karma is being dissipated." I've been thinking about my own struggles with mental health-- my delusionary thoughts, my racing mind, my thinking I'm someone more special than I am and then the snapping out of it and coming back to reality and embracing life anew. God has given me so many blessings. I ought not to blame Him in giving me this slight predilection. I think three things have been holding me steady-- chanting, walking and yoga and I intend to keep up this practice for the rest of my life.
I am an ordinary girl. Super ordinary.
Today Mrs Kampani caught me in the midst of it all and said she wants to do yoga with me in the mornings! That should be fun! She has been rather unwell. She is one of a kind.
Ma has made me a cup of tea. I'll go have that now. I hope to have memorable moments with my loved ones.
I am feeling:
Happy
Peaceful
Sweaty
Grimy
I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
7.37 pm
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