Journal 13.6.2026 5.05 pm How is A?

Dear Journal,

I tossed and turned myself into sleep for about 3 hours. I finally fell asleep around 2 am. I woke up at 7.51 am.

I felt empty, kind of conflicted.

I drank my lemon juice, chanted, meditated, did some yoga and because I was feeling so caught up with a wave of drowsiness I smoked two cigarettes back to back. 

I've had 7 cigarettes so far.

Rati invited me to a premier of his movie but I can't go. So I wished him luck.

Then I ate noodles with a fried egg for breakfast. I wanted to read the news but I dosed off for about 30 minutes, waking up with a start.

My heart has kind of detached from Arun but my mind has not. He was on my mind all through the day.

I bought myself two dresses on sale. I'm a little cash-strapped but I haven't shopped in a while and temptation gave way.

Then I settled to research on things I could talk about in class. 

For lunch we had dal, jhinge posto and fish curry with rice and a mango. During lunch Ma urged me to save money when I earn. The savings target she set was an unbelievable percentage of my income. I think I'll save a smaller percentage. By September I should be able to pay Arun back all his money.

I watched something on how trees communicate and whales. I am enthralled by the wonders of Nature. I watched some other content-- I took back something from each video.

I will read Daisaku Ikeda, chant and write my novel now. I hope to catch Twi downstairs. She is nice to talk to.

I bumped into Kanchan aunty and she was worried about Ma's health. Ma has an upset stomach today.

It's been a good day. Complaint erases good fortune. Gratitude increases good fortune.

I am feeling:

A sort of heartache but a placid content feeling

Happy

A softened sense of love

Excited

Awake

Alert

Fresh

I am wearing my beige floral shirt with orange shorts. I will contribute to household expenses with my income. I don't really need to shop that much!

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

I am grateful for YouTube, Ted Talks, the internet, the wifi, my laptop and my phone. 

I hope Arun is doing well. I am grateful for loving harmonious relationships.

I am grateful for clothes. I should really buy longer dresses.

I am grateful for books.

I am grateful for food, shelter, work and money.

I'm treating this job as an apprenticeship-- a learning and training ground and I'm grateful for all the experiences of my life.

Love,

Me.

5.26 pm