Journal 8.47 pm 15.6.2026 a little sad yet full of love

Dear Journal,

It's so hot! So humid! Right now there is a cool breeze blowing. I've had 15 cigarettes today-- a bit much!

Today I woke up at 6.25. I did my lemon juice, chanting, meditation routine and 30 minutes of yoga.

I had chilla for breakfast. I had a bath and wore my white kurta with grey jeggings. Then I lay down and rested.

I left for Andheri station at 10.15. I got a bus easily and a place to sit.

The work with AfShe was about business development. I have a lecture tomorrow. I had two cups of coffee during the day. The man is a little khitkhite.

I spoke to DeJh over the phone. He has been messaging me since. I spoke to PrZo too.

I came home at 6.40 thinking that the pay is so low and I should go it on my own. I spoke to AmBhe and spent considerable time with Twi.

Twi is so sweet. I told her about my sadness that I'm struggling in my career, about my mental health. She said that it's all about the medication. All I need is a small dose everyday and to not skip my medication. I think I'll buy her something for her birthday.

I think I'll do this job for another 3, 4 months and then I'll go it on my own.

I'm so tired from the day and yet so alert and fresh.

Arun was supposed to call me up but he didn't. He crosses my mind each day and with thoughts of him come the thoughts of loss and longing. Will I ever love another as I loved him? Will there be another? This brings tears to my eyes.

I think instead of spending time writing my novel now, I'll bathe, chant and work on my online teacher profile. If I get even a few students I'll be able to make it.

I regret borrowing money from Arun, I regret skipping my pills. How did Arun feel when all that happened?

He is so detached. He doesnt message, doesnt call. I'm hurt.

I came home and had a boiled egg, fish fry, aloo Parathas, roshogolla and curd. That's dinner.

I am feeling:

A sense of love

A little longing

Calm

Peaceful

Bright

Alert

I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.

The bag on my birthday was sent by DeJh.

Love,

Me.

9.05 pm