I wake up with thoughts about Arun. All day long he sits in my mind rent free. Who am I kidding? I'm terrible at being just friends with him. I want to be in a relationship with him.
I fantasize about him-- imagine kissing his nose. I love him so darned deeply. And I want just him-- nobody else.
But I dont think he is in the same place as me. He doesnt call me. Doesnt say he misses me.
I think... I think... I never lied when I told him that I love him more. I want to make love to him. I really do. That's one of my deepest desires.
Yesterday my cigarette guy flagged me off and said that I'm smoking too many cigarettes and I should try to cut it down to just one after every meal. That's a good idea!
And everytime I miss Arun I have the song I wrote for him playing in my head... on loop.
Arun is sho cute. He is sho shweet. He is such an avoidant. I want my Arun back!!!! That would just make my life!
He has the capacity to be really rude and mean and cruel.
I am feeling:
So deeply in love with Arun.
Eager to make the most of today.
Happy
Loving
Daydreamy
Lazy
Concerned
How busy is he really?
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
3.00 pm
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