I am writing this letter that you will never read. But I have to write it to process my own feelings for you.
I think I've fallen head over heels in love with you all over again.
It's been a while since I've seen your oh so mishti face. I don't know how or why my feelings got so much the deeper.
I believe emotions are energy and you can sense shifts in energy. Has anything shifted for you in the past few months?
I had a few dreams with you in it and believe me I've never felt more in love with you. The love song I wrote for you keeps playing in my head. Do you ever listen to it?
Btw I'm sure you saw my videos on Facebook. I've shot quite a lot of them just for timepass. My friends asked me to take them down but I didn't. It's a sign that I did this. And I don't want to hide anything from you.
I love you. I don't want to discuss other men with you. But let's just say every man I meet at some point doles out the affections and I don't want that from any man but you.
What makes you so special, so unique, sometimes I wonder. And my mind goes to the fun fellatio behind my dad's car when we first started going out. But it's not just that, you know sweety. I'd do that for you anyday, anytime over any other guy.
I don't want any other man. I want you. And I'm prepared to risk loneliness which is something I'm already doing.
Btw when I was telling you about my student Tarini, you said may be she is seeking attention and I should let a professional take over and do the work.
But shona emotional issues should not just be directed to a professional. I really feel that way. As her teacher I'm concerned and it's my responsibility to create a safe emotional space for her and many like her.
I love children. But I haven't had any of my own. I believe that the greatest impact you can create on a person is during their childhood. Frankly, it's a privilege to teach my students. What do you think about that? And what do you think about me these days?
Does me being affectionate annoy you? Because you are quite the wuss of tantrums when you are bugged :).
I want to meet you. But I'm not going to suggest it because the last time we met you were quite rude through the evening and you called me a rebound. And that really hurt me.
Are you seeing someone? Please don't Arun. Choose me over other girls, please. Because no one will love you so uniquely, in such Doel style but me.
I feel like writing and singing a few more songs for you but I don't want to be clingy or want you to feel uncomfortable. Because I don't know what you think about me these days.
Please dont tell me you've given up on me. I don't know where I stand in your life these days. Do let me know.
I love you. I love you maximum.
I might just write a few songs without sending them to you.
The love feels different this time. It feels like regular Doel loves regular Arun, a common man, and is prepared to face any odds to keep him in her life.
I love all of you, the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the ugly and the beautiful-- my shonapie! Muwaaaah! Chumma!
Love,
Doel.
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