A love letter to myself

Hey you!

I can see that you are hurting and confused. I'm sure you know this that all hurt and pain arises out of confusion.

A deluded mind is rarely happy.

I see that you fell in love but that love was not matched but you feel that there is hope. And yet the disrespect caused to you the last time you met him has jolted you. Should you maintain boundaries? I think you should have the strength and the courage to finally chalk out boundaries.

You should know that you are loved because you are a giver and a lover and you are a good person.

Any person who rejects you and labels you pagal and mad and denigrates you in front of his friends is not worth it because respect is the foundation of every relationship.

You love him so you know may be he is going through his own pain and insecurities. But should you think of meeting him ahead?

You need to be strong. You need to give all that importance to yourself, not a guy who once loved and respected you but doesn't anymore. It's evident that he is not there emotionally.

Of course, change is the only constant and the days gone by will never come back.

You held him accountable. You did the right thing. You stood up for yourself.

If he loved and respected you he would never disrespect you like that.

Pamper yourself. Love yourself. And get your priorities straight. There is a whole life in front of you and it is vast beautiful and welcoming.

And frankly, telling you as a friend, you may not see it now but he is not worth it. Yes, he loved you a lot once upon a time but you can't pin all your hopes on once upon a time.

The way things stand now it's better to stay away from him. Yes, he is soulful and yes you love him. But as time goes on understanding and clarity will arise. Don't send him one more message. Direct all that love to yourself.

He doesn't respect you and that's a huge red flag. May be he is not worth it.

Yes you've loved him deeply and you understand him but all his talk of many women is the real thing. I don't think he's lying.

He has serious issues when it comes to women and relationships, you should know that and you don't deserve this not from him not from any man.

Let him be. Let him live his life. Live and let live. There is no need to harp on this so much. It's probably over between the two of you and it's much better if you accept it.

What can you do for yourself now?

Just three things:

Make that schedule and stick to it.

Get your morning routine checked each day.

Love yourself. It's high time you know how to.

You are a phenomenal woman. You are kind and soft and gentle and beautiful and I love you. I know you've got this. I'm rooting for you all the way. And by the way, I am deeply in love with you. Duniya jaye bhad mein.

I love your two eyes and your sweet nose and your lips that smile for everybody.

I love the fact that despite being so carefree with yourself and your looks you get enough attention.

I love the fact that you are so sweet and noble.

I love your taste in clothes.

I love the fact that you love Truth so much.

I love the fact that you loved wholeheartedly and realised what it was to love. It wasn't reciprocated and you are hurting but well these are the experiences of soulful work.

I love the fact that you respect all around you. Now direct some of that respect to yourself.

I love your courage.

I love your chutzpah.

I love your skin. It's sensitive but it reflects your thoughts.

I love your face and your body.

I love that you are so simple. 

I love that you are so well-spoken.

I love your heart. I truly do. Yes, Arun rejected your heart but there are so many who reside in it who have already accepted it and there will be many more to come.

Please for my sake will you please take care of yourself. Start with small steps but start, please. I urge you. Your feet need care and you need to stop smoking and drinking colas like this. You need to comb your hair, dress well, shave, bathe and smell good. Pamper yourself. Make room in your life for thoughts of you.

You are my everything. You are the poetry you write and you are all the songs you have composed. Your soul is in all your paintings. You have touched every blessed human being you have encountered in some way and you deserve much better. You deserve a man who loves you for who you are flaws and all and definitely someone who respects you and offers his care and support. You deserve someone who loves you, someone who is balanced and kind and affectionate. You definitely don't deserve an Arun who ghosted you for the longest time, stared at some chick lustfully for hours when you were sitting right there and you definitely don't deserve an Arun who disrespects you in front of his friends.

I know you still love him and that you are heartbroken but you called him out respectfully and that says a lot about your character and your nature.

You are the most soulful of God's creations.

And promise me one thing, you'll never date a married man again.

You are special.

You smell awesome.

And your smile is warm and enchanting.

I love you. In fact, I love you maximum.