I don't know what to think, my mind is a cloud. I don't know if I said too much in my messages to A but I was hurt.
I rehearsed my lines today and left.
I'm really not up to doing anything. It's not like my mind is on an overdrive but I'm thinking a lot about Arun. I slept for just three hours at night and that could be the reason for my fogginess.
I think I sent a slightly too abrasive letter to Arun but I meant every word of it. I hope he can take it positively and is not too upset.
He is really a very cute human being and I love him.
I think I'll practise some automatic writing and then chant, eat dinner and then sleep.
I am feeling:
Highly upset
Full of love for Arun
Loving
Happy
Loved
A little doubtful about how my messages have been received
I really don't want to upset him and the last thing I want is a fight
I hope he can see my messages for what they are.
Today Ra Ti again told me that I'm a really good human being. I played with his seven-year-old son Arjun for a long time.
I made an excuse today and left rehearsals. Just want to spend some time with myself. Ra Ti told me to join them again later. Let's see if I feel like going.
I am grateful for this play.
I am grateful for my home and food and the little money I have.
I am grateful for family and friends.
Love,
Me.
7.47 pm
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