I love Arun. After waking up after dreaming about him, I thought about him all day. I ate a banana butter sandwich and an avocado sandwich for breakfast and puked the whole thing out. I felt nauseous all day and was ill at ease.
I spent time today going through some of the things I've written, analysing them. I even tried to get my head around Ai.
I had Maggi with egg and a mango for lunch because Ma and Pa had to go to the bank. Then I had some curd rice before going for rehearsals.
In the morning since I woke up early I did my yoga, pranayam, meditation and chanting under the building canopy. The feeling of doing that is quite divine immersed in nature.
At around 4 Ma asked me to chant with her and we studied human revolution together.
A Buddha is recognised by his conduct.
I wonder how Arun is. He doesn't call and he doesn't reply to my messages. I'm sure he has a girlfriend. I hope he is fine. Sometimes I worry about him.
I'll call him one of these days to check on him. I hope life is treating him well.
Around 5 Ra Ti called and said we need to go to Prithvi to make some enquiries. So he picked me up and we set off. Ra Ti cribbed a lot that Prithvi has become so commercial.
Then we sat at Earth Cafe and had a coffee.
He really loves his wife and spoke very highly of her and he dotes on his children. He told me a lot about his family.
He is a very simple minded straightforward guy who has done over 60 films.
Then we headed for rehearsals. Ra Ti says my lines are coming off quite well. We wrapped up rehearsals by 9.30 and he said let's go to the beach and grab a drink. I asked Bachan Sir to accompany us and Ra Ti was offended.
I told him that Bachan Sir is such a balanced man for his age with so much experience that I would love to spend some time with him and talk to him. Ra Ti created a mountain out of a mole hill.
Anyhow we bought Brandy on my recommendation of which I must not have had more than four sips. We even picked up some cigarettes and Chana Masala.
We were talking about singing abilities and I started talking about Arun. I really still love A. I know I always will.
By the end of it all I felt that Arun probably doesn't love me anymore since he never calls and never replies to my messages. One of these days I'll call him to check on him.
I always talk fondly about Arun but I also felt that he probably doesn't talk so fondly about me. He must be all complaints about me.
Ra Ti told me about his huge family. He is a very simple guy who I realised is homophobic. He hails from a village.
I wasn't bored of course but it was an alright meeting. He gave me some sound life advice.
Through rehearsals I also thought that it's only in the media that I find like-minded people. Working at a corporate job like I did in Vibgyor just doesn't suit me. I feel stifled in such environments.
I need to resurrect my career.
I came back home a while ago and just had one roti. I'm feeling alright.
I wish Dr Shinde was there today. I'm a little worried about my health.
I also realised today that I'm just not taking care of myself. My feet are a mess, my skin is sagging and I'm feeling a tad despondent.
I need to be far more positive.
I've been called for rehearsals at 4 tomorrow. Arrgh!
May tomorrow be a far more productive day and may I witness good health tomorrow.
I am feeling:
Dry
Unbeautiful
Sad and happy at the same time
Sentimental about A
I am grateful that I've made a good friend in Ra Ti. He is quite a decent chap.
I am grateful for love and life.
I am grateful for all the days gone past and all the days heralding.
I am grateful for all the folks who grace my life.
Love,
Me.
12.59 am
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