I simply can't get on with my evening without updating you. I did not fall asleep yesterday and i did not fall asleep today in the middle of the day.
Arun called me up and i was crying. He sounded quite pissed off at first you know. He told me to get on with my job because the people who've given it to me trusted me with it. That is what i needed to hear.
That they trusted me with it. I love talking to him. In fact, i really love him as a human being.
Through tears i asked him if he has a girlfriend and he got even more angry, saying i am never to ask him that question again.
He was in the midst of work. He is my happiness factor. I always feel happy with him no matter what.
Well, DiPan came home and told me about her own struggles with depression. She is a really sweet girl. I really like her.
I have been selected as the emcee for the Jan meeting and i haven't been chanting that much.
Now today will be a fruitful day as i chant and get on with my Eaxs work.
Arun is right. If i just work my mind will be off petty things. But does he know how much of my mindspace he still occupies? I don't want him gone from my life. I want to sit with him, hear his tales and laugh and cry. He ish shoo cute.
Pa gave me a giant hug today. I am so grateful for that hug.
I can forgive. I must not feel depressed.
I am feeling:
Sad with a tinge of happiness
So happy and grateful that Arun called me up
Full of love in a way that i didn't expect God to give me a sweet cute Arun to love
So grateful that Dipika came home. I really love her. She is a such a good human being.
Grateful to my parents, my brother and Sadhya for making my life whole.
Grateful for the yummy dal and aloo fry i had today.
Grateful for my Mashi, Mesho, Sheshu and Koala bear and all my other relatives and friends.
Grateful for the Eaxs job.
Grateful that I'm feeling better.
Frankly, i really should talk to Arun everyday because just hearing his voice makes me happy. The other day when i bumped into him he looked like the time when we went to Pop Tates, youthful and naughty. His face keeps changing according to his thoughts and i don't want pain just because i think he is the most handsome man in the whole world.
I am grateful that we still talk. If we didn't i'd be far more sad. He said he has a Monday deadline with a job so I'll call him up after that.
May God bless Arun, Pa, Ma, Buo and all with his grace and love. May God heal me so that I never feel so depressed as i have been feeling.
My mind keeps going to the past and feeling hurt over all the things Ma, Buo, Arun etc. have told me.
I am sure this evening will be golden.
I think I'll write a little in my notebook and then chant.
Love,
Me.
6 27 pm
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