Dearest Journal,
So I woke up. And instead of doing yoga today I set off for a one-hour long walk. I did a little Pranayam under the canopy followed by meditation and continued walking. I was so disturbed by my dream before waking up that I carried the gloom with me.
I returned home to messages from DeJh. I oil pulled, then called him up. He said that I'm the only person he is close to these days. That's the same for me. Then his battery died out and the call dropped.
I procrastinated on starting the EAxs assignment; rather it was an assessment that I need to clear. Fingers crossed for this one. Then it was time for lunch. Pa and I had Jhinge posto with fish curry rice and at some point Arun called.
I told him about my dream and he laughed. But he was a little distant. And when he talks to me, he is always in a hurry. I love him. Not in a romatic romantic way but as a person, the whole human him. There is something about Arun.
Then I delayed working on the assessment by spending some time with ChatGpt and at 3 pm I told myself enough is enough and I tackled it. It literally took me half an hour!
Somewhere through the day the girl Eshana from Anticasting messaged me if I was still up for giving an audition and I'd told her I'd give it by 5. Finally, I gave it by 6 by when Mummy was home.
I wanted to go to the beach to watch the sunset but as I spoke to mom the sun had set and it turned dark. I narrated my play idea to Ma and she loved it. I messaged Q and he again said he is busy. I feel so frustrated by this!
Finally, Melon and Kat came home. Ma set off for her walk. And I followed her out. I had some bhajiyas today. I did not write my novel today which I will now. And I didn't do Tarot readings, which I will on Friday and Saturday.
Hopefully Eaxs will work out well. I'm in a far better mood today than I have been in weeks. And I think it's oweing to me sleeping it off and allowing my subconscious to process all my issues. I wish I had better dreams though.
Frankly, I don't mind living a celibate life as long as I have enough companions, some solid friends.
And I truly wish the whole world well. I know I've pissed off a lot of people in the past with the way I was/am. I hope to make amends. I need to always take my medication and I need to live my life.
ChatGpt is amazing! When Eaxs works out and it should I'll have ready money. And even though A says he doesn't want money back I'll save money and pay him back. The whole lumpsum amount. That I have to!
I haven't really chanted today. I'll switch off the lights and meditate for a bit and then write my novel for a bit. It's been a good day, right Journal? I hope more days are like this.
I think my depression was due to lack of intimacy in this gloomy winter.
I am feeling:
Happy
Loving with a pang in my heart
Greasy with Bombay's pollution
Hopeful
So grateful that Pa is talking to me again.
I am grateful for my entire life and all my love and all the people who make my life with all its experiences.
I am grateful for all my possessions.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
8.43 pm
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