I haven't updated you properly in a long time. I'm just about coming out of my depression. This was a gruelling three weeks where i saw myself in the pits of hell.
Someone stole a sizeable amount of money from my purse in Delhi. De Jh sent me chocalates in Delhi because i was feeling so low. That made me feel nice. But my heart till just a while ago was feeling shattered. It's still hurt and i don't know the source of my pain.
Today i woke up at 6.30 and was on my mat in the garden by 7.15.
I did a little bit of yoga and chanting and meditation, pranayam.
DeJh sent me many messages. He is travelling. He keeps telling me that I'm very talented.
I went to meet Dr Shinde who told me that all my aches and pains and depression are because i'm heading toward menopause.
Then i came home feeling so drowsy that i slept for over two hours. Two nights ago i saw a dream that i was watching a plane landing gently on a runway amid greenery. Otherwise i don't remember my dreams.
Keeping depression aside i also thought that my parents are awesome and i must not begrudge them. I mustn't complain because complaint erases good fortune and gratitude increases good fortune.
Then i had a Tarot session with PrSaw. He is a doctor and once upon a time he wanted to marry me. He asked me about his parents' health that i found funny.
Then i went to meet AkKuSha who told me about his scripts. Even i narrated my stories to him. Some of his stories were rather nice.
Then we took a stroll along the beach and Arun called. Since i was out i told him i'll call him later.
AkKuSha said some things wise. He said you need to be mad to fall in love and that he has never fallen in love. That made me dwell on Arun.
Then i came back home and saw messages from Arun. Oh yes, i also attended the Eaxs meeting today.
Arun called me up. He was drunk. I don't know what made me say it but i told him that I still love him, which i do. He said he doesn't find me interesting anymore. That hurts. We got off the call because he was drinking. He asked me to call him tomorrow which i will.
I then ate my dinner, took my medicines.
All through the day i thought that my parents are awesome and human. And to err is human, to forgive divine.
I don't want to get into a negative spiral again.
I am feeling:
Heart slightly hurt
Loving
Pretty
I am grateful for Eaxs.
I am grateful for Arun and our friendship.
I am grateful for my superawesoms parents and my brother and all the folks who adorn my life.
I am grateful for the doctors in my life.
I am grateful for yoga and chanting.
I am grateful for the garden in my building.
I am grateful for all the amenities i have.
I am grateful for food, shelter and money.
I am grateful for clothes and all my possessions.
Now Ill chant a bit and hit the bed.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.
I am grateful that I had a great day!
I love my brother and parents.
Love,
Me.
11.24 pm
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