When I checked the time after I woke up I think it was exactly 9. At the time I started this journal entry it was exactly 9. So much for synchronicities.
Arun messaged me mid-day telling me he is fine. I'm so grateful to him that he did that.
Yesterday Ma had a heart to heart talk with me. She told me that ever since I was small wherever I've gone I've invited jealousy. She is partly right but I don't quite view my life that way. Mom told me to be grateful that life has endowed me with so many abilities and to make the most of them and not get perturbed by those who make my life difficult.
Today after I woke up and had the delicious juices Pa so lovingly makes for me each day I quickly had a bath because Ku Va was supposed to come home. I read a chapter from Opening of the Eyes and the first Gosho that I planned to study with Ku Va. He came half an hour late and that irritated me.
I studied the Gosho with him explaining the meaning of Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo to him and then we chanted for twenty minutes. I guided him on how he should pray. And I'm grateful that he came. Then he left.
Then I had the tea made by Du Ma and went down for a short walk. I bumped into Raa and Gun and they said they will come home on Thursday.
After that I chanted abundant daimoku. I prayed wholeheartedly for Arun, his children, his wife and my family. Somewhere in between I had lunch. I prayed a lot for my friends and somehow all this chanting makes me feel Arun's wife's heart. I can feel her pain and her challenges like I know what her soul needs. Praying for her makes me feel really close to her. Even though no one will be able to believe it I do love her.
In the evening when I did my Gongyo I decided that I would pray to forgive anyone who has ever hurt me and in turn seek forgiveness for slandering people and the Dharma. Somehow I also felt the need to somehow change my karma on how men view me. I don't think anybody would understand how much that bugs me.
Then even though I wanted to write I sat and read Opening of the Eyes. I was born to be a Buddhist. I wish doing only this would pay me.
Then I went to meet See Dhi and I bumped into Ma. See Dhi and I chanted for about 45 minutes and we studied. I told her to vanquish all the fears in her heart and pray with gratitude and forgiveness. That set her off on another 45-minute rant that left me speechless.
She spoke to me about all her fears, her many many many regrets, about her autistic son and kind of advised me to live with no regrets and to really live it up.
Even though my heart went out to her I didn't know what to say. I listened patiently.
I think she views her life the way she thinks others view her. We all do that.
Even I judge myself a lot by how i think Arun probably views me (and I don't think he views me very graciously) and how i think my friends view me and my life.
It's quite natural.
But no one can see the virtue in my heart, the treasures of love I am sowing and I should be proud as should See Dhi but I did not tell her that.
Instead I told her to pray with gratitude and forgiveness. I'll meet her again soon.
Then I walked back home amid a drizzle carrying Arun's wife's heart within mine. I really feel for her and I feel somehow that her happiness is my responsibility. Praying for her makes me feel really close to her.
I quickly had a Chinese bhel, did not buy cigarettes and walked back up because the lift wasn't working.
Where there is invisible virtue there is visible reward as Shakyamuni Buddha said. Life is both predictable and unpredictable and mystical and magical.
I must take greater responsibilities towards myself and my well-being and really make the most of the time and resources I have right now. I have such a solid support system so even though I won't write anything now I must set working on my novel. Discipline. Discipline. Discipline. Discipline is the key. And dedication to my own well-being.
I'm feeling so awake.
I must pray far more for See Dhi and her family.
I'm blessed.
I am feeling:
Grateful that I'm a votary of the Lotus Sutra. Studying it and its allied teachings has taught me everything about life.
Responsible towards others through prayer.
Happy.
Serious.
Compassionate especially towards See Dhi hoping she gets the solutions to all her problems.
Now I'll study another chapter of Opening of the Eyes and go to sleep.
I hope Arun is living a blessed life and is happy. My heart for him.
I am oh so grateful for quite a many things.
Love,
Me.
9.43 pm
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