When someone asks me, "Do you take your medicines?" When you discuss your problems with them, or When someone says, "You've started it again," When you express displeasure, or When someone says, "I don't love you because you are mad," or When someone says, "Mere paas char aur ladkiyan Hai iski Tarah par Mai iske saath nahin rehta kyunki ye pagal Hai," you question your worth in people's eyes. It seems that people don't find me worthy of their love and affection.
(Shibani Mashi just called me to the hall to talk to me. She is here for lunch.)
She is a stellar human being who has brought up three daughters single handedly. Her daughters, especially Smriti Irani, have done her proud.
I was discussing my problems with her and I told her how stuck I'm feeling. I told her about Arun. And she told me that I have to love myself. I am my own best friend. I read Tarot cards for her and will go and entertain her a bit more.
She also told me that she has a friend who she loves who is her companion. That makes me so sad. I thought Arun would be my companion. But it's doesn't seem like he wants me like that. That's a loss of a hope, a loss of a dream, something I feel deeply and something that has affected me. I really really love my Arun and I don't want to get so lost in my emotions.
He says I should find someone else indicating that he has moved on. It was so easy for him to discard me emotionally.
I think I'll just let the tides of life flow in and out and see where I'm at.
Shibani Mashi told me that she manifests everything in her life and it works and I must not lose hope. "Be hopeful." That is what she said.
Pa told me in front of her that he sees such great potential in me and that if I live out just a little bit of my potential I'll be fine. I love my father for having such faith in me despite everything.
Hmmm. I think I'll go and join her now. Lunch is ready.
Love,
Me.
1.28 pm
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