This is a letter I'm never going to send with words I'm never going to speak and thoughts that need unfettering from my soul.
Firstly, do you value yourself?
I don't think you do because you run behind people and things that are frivolous, people and things that don't add value to your life, you chase experiences and people and see yourself and people in such a low fashion that it makes me feel that you probably have low self esteem despite all the big talk.
You kind of sabotage good things and good experiences. Well, you let me go.
I feel and I know I'm one person who would have stood by you no matter what and I still love you.
You know I've been praying for you for a very long time but recently I started blessing your wife abundantly in my prayers and I feel so close to her in doing that. And I feel that you are such a small person in treating her the way you do.
You treat her most disrespectfully and unkindly, lying to her and deceiving her which means that you disrespect yourself. She is one woman who has stood by you through thick and thin and wives as is known can be pretty unpleasant.
You saying that you can't go to a party without a woman by your side is such a shallow way of viewing life and experiences.
You saying that you are a bad person makes you hurt people a lot and frankly, in saying that you hurt yourself maximum.
What has happened Arun? What happened to you that you are so angry, and such a liar and so deceptive?
I know you are dating some woman because you told me that. You don't call me or message me and I think I won't do that either now.
I know with experience from my mom who is a lot like you that you can't change people. My mom is aggressive just like you and views herself very poorly which causes her to view other people poorly and she is difficult and she's very hard to live with. You are just like that.
I'm not asking you to change because you will change if you see how your behaviour and choices affect you and the lives of those who are a part of you. And if you feel more responsible.
Even I need to change.
But I'm asking you to reflect. I'm asking you to look within and see the beauty of your soul and live in accordance with that beauty, I'm asking you to make better choices that don't hurt you and the people who love you.
You seem to be one specimen who enthusiastically runs behind people and experiences that bring fleeting bursts of joy.
Why don't you seek that unbounding endless joy that comes from being a good person and having a clean conscience?
You don't owe it to me. But you do owe it to your wife and children. That's your biggest responsibility, to man up and better up. And believe me it's never too late to do that. You just need to have the intention. Everything begins with intention.
I don't mean to put you down.
The Buddha said the greatest goodness and the greatest love is emptiness. I understand that today.
It's been quite a while since my heart has filled up with love for you. I feel so empty.
But even in that emptiness I love you.
I wish you could see your soul the way I do. Beautiful, kind, colourful, humorous, abundantly loving and the sweetest soul I've ever seen. If you could just see that and take my word for it and believe it you would be a far more responsible and better human being.
And since you make all these choices I know you don't view yourself very kindly.
What would your mother say about your life's choices? What would God tell you when you meet him about how you've hurt people? Don't you believe in retribution? And don't you believe in karma?
As I'm writing this your cutest face is in my mind's eye.
You should never even for a moment believe that I don't love you because I do. I always have and always will. Who knew the one guy I would fall in love so deeply with would be such a complicated human being? It's surely been challenging loving you.
But like Pascal said: "The heart has its reasons that reason knows not of."
There is simply no reason for me to love you and your soul in as deep a fashion as I do. It must be karma, it must be guided by a hand above. When I bless you in my prayers I do it with so much love, intention and meaning, I really really mean those blessings, I really really intend them. I really wish you and your loved ones well. That is why I feel most deeply that you are demeaning yourself by living the life you are.
Well, I'm no one to judge you, me also so full of flaws. But I just wish you'd make different kinds of choices and be more conscientious.
Anyway, I've said enough. A guy who smells just as wonderful as you must have the sweetest and most beautiful soul, I who fell in love with the inner you, your core.
Don't mean to put you down.
I love you.
Doel.
3.06 pm
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