It's been well over 23 years since we lost you and not a day goes by when I don't think of you. Each day I pray for your rebirth into more favourable circumstances and often I think of what you would say to me about my various circumstances so far and about so many choices I've made.
I miss your beauty, and your wisdom and your unconditional love and care. I know I wouldn't have gone through any sorrow if you were here. You never let me feel sad. And your sweet heart, and your philosophies and your depth have left a huge Dimma void in my life.
Firstly, Dimma I always thought that I would never find a more sweet heart than yours. And I did. You would call him Boud I'm sure humorously but you would guide me plainly with love and care.
Today I communed with you a lot in my mind and then decided to write this letter.
I did a play recently and today several of us went to the music director's plush recording studio. We chatted a lot, ate samosas, drank coffee and tea and watched a movie together. And of course, there was music and singing.
What would you say about my life?
I think you would be proud of me and that would make me want to really achieve the most to see those tears of joy in your eyes.
I miss lying by your side, kissing you, teasing you and counting your whites. But more importantly, I miss talking to you.
A few years after you passed on I became a journalist and I grew high up in that field. But when I quit in 2019 I decided that I would kill my pride you know Dimma. Because I saw my pride getting in the way of my happiness. And I have. Bit by bit, praying for it I think I've become so humble. You are the only person who would not call this stupid.
Just like you I take my inner life very seriously. I've become very very spiritual but I don't want to go about distributing gyaan. I'd rather listen to people's life stories and understand the uniqueness in each person.
I love somebody a lot, someone I once used to be very romantic with. And no Dimma, I haven't got married yet and I'm very alone. You would definitely guide me on that. And I'm missing you a lot today.
I've decided to kill lust, hatred, greed, anger and foolishness in my being now and cultivate love so strong. Such inner workings on your emotional life do impact its course.
And I feel happy to embark on such a spiritual journey. You are the only person this would interest.
I can't fathom actually what you would say to me today because you were always so spontaneous and original.
"The face is the mirror of the mind and the eyes are the windows to the soul." Your words echo. They have become my truth.
I miss your presence a lot today Dimma. And you would have really worried about me.
We made leps out of all your sarees but the Dimma smell that once used to be there is gone.
I accepted today while thinking about you that most people (or may be all people) don't have the capacity to reciprocate my love, my good wishes and my care. And that should not make me sad. It makes me happy in fact because I feel I bring value to my life's relationships.
Everybody is unique and may be in this dance of life right now I'm standing all alone in a corner, in my comfort zone. But this would not last for long. Soon the pull of the music will have me gyrating too. And though I'm a terrible dancer I intend to make my performance memorable.
Just like your performance so full of grace.
I have inherited your heart I think and I have no room for arrogance today. I'm far beyond it.
Love,
Buri.
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