I woke up from a dream where I saw Ra Ti going down a dark path as I watched. I kept sleeping on and on deeper and deeper into sleep seeing this recurring image not wanting to wake up. I finally woke up after 8.
I smoked a cigarette and then I did a thirty minute Daimoku session. I did a little bit of yoga and finished Volume 1 of Opening of the Eyes. I just can't find Volume 2 so I started reading Peter Thiel's Zero to One.
I finished two chapters. This world is a marketplace of desires where we trade in desires. You will succeed only if you have something unique to offer, says Thiel, only if you can offer the world a Truth that is not commonplace.
I reflected a lot on this and I realised that I offer the world love and kindness both though Truths of life, not commonplace.
In a dog eat dog world when one is threatened in any way or surrounded by forces that would impede us retaliation by force and strength is considered the norm. If you seek to understand or extend love and kindness in such situations it's considered weakness. And I tend to do that. No matter what I always say sorry to patch things up and I always seek to understand more and more.
I'm no expert on life and kindness and I'm always learning, always becoming better, always growing and I know better than anybody else that I've made mistakes in life.
I reflected on all the work I do and all the work I want to do and I vowed that this belief in a path of love and compassion should reflect in all my life's work, in my thoughts and prayers, in my speech, in each act I carry out.
Well, that was that.
I waited a lot for Mad and Du Ma to come not going for a bath. As I smoked I thought that I should find a solution to my problems and all the obstacles I face and seek to understand them and myself, rising out of my circumstances.
I also vowed that I would never beg, borrow or steal ever and that I have to find means to return Arun's money. I vowed that in life and in death I would never trouble or burden anybody.
You are a great companion dear Journal in this life where though surrounded by many I am alone, an individual, seeking to make a mark with things unforgettable.
I know there are many naysayers along the way, several whom I hold closely and love but I think I'll let their voices drown out against life's melody merging all the sounds to create my own unique music.
I'm waiting for Du Ma to finish cooking and after that I'll sit and write for three hours at a stretch. She came late and is taking a helluva time to finish cooking.
It's a good day and a lovely life.
I am feeling:
Clarity as to my life's path after a long time.
Hopeful.
Determined.
Compassionate.
Love,
Me.
2 pm
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