Since I last updated you I met Dee and we spoke a lot. She spoke to me about cultivating self love, vulnerability and praying for and prioritizing myself first. I got that. She reminds me so much of Salvia. Salvia is also like this with her beautiful self-made perspectives on life. We spoke for over an hour. We chatted and chatted and could have gone on for more time.
I told her that I don't really have women friends outside the sangha and she told me that's probably because I'm so opinionated and have such a strong personality. Qud had also told me that once that I'm very strong-headed.
I told Dee about praying for others and we spoke about the changing rhythms of life. It turns out that we have a lot of common friends.
Most of the writing I'm doing these days is in this blog and I really need to work on my novel.
Then me and Dee prayed for over half an hour. It was memorable given that I'd been in tears just before meeting her.
Then I just a little faffed around, wrote that letter to Arun since when I've thought a lot about him.
I ate a late lunch and it was time to go meet Tillu. Even though I intended to walk it up I was running so late that I had to rick it.
She was her radiant jovial self. She hasn't aged a bit. I apologised to her for the past and she told me about how she is struggling with work and I told her about my struggles in taking action for my work.
She asked me what I'd been praying for. I told her. She told me it's all good seriously studying and practising Buddhism but there is much more to life. I'm not aiming to be a Buddhist scholar so I have to read and do other things and make time to work. More importantly she told me that I can't be so vague in my mind and in my prayers about my career. I need to polish my philosophy and vision for my career just like I have a polished philosophy for life.
She's absolutely lovely. I love her so much. Everybody does. She brings so much value to my life. She is iconic.
We did our Gongyo and chanted for over half an hour.
Then she pulled out a book that I intend to buy. She turned to a page and read out Herbie Hancock's turning point in his life, the time he polished his vision about what kind of music he wants to give the world. And that's when he invented funk and invited his first Grammy amid tens of dozens of Grammies.
She said this is what I need, a polished intention, a polished vision of what I want to offer the world through my work to invite success into my life. I always learn so much from her. I am the Buddhist I am thanks to her and several other people but I especially remember all the advice she's ever given me.
She is never banal or flippy floppy, and I told her that. She has so much presence, so much intention and I think her fire will never die out.
It's much like Arun's personality. Even he has such charisma and energy and love and that fire that so magnetically draws me to him and I love him for that.
Then it was time to leave.
As I was walking back home I thought about Arun and his fire, his determinations, his view of life and work. His beautiful oh so expressive eyes, his beautiful hands, the smell of his skin, the beautiful hue of his skin, his aura, his choices, his voice... The voice does the Buddha's work, the voice reflects the heart and Arun's voice reflects the vastness of his heart... I love him for his unique view of life, I love him for his mistakes and successes, I love the smell of his scalp and the texture of his skin, I love his heart so much... I know he'll never exclusively give me his heart, I've always loved how his lips feel against mine.... and his eyes I could get lost in them... I love his sentimentality, his emotional life and I really want to teach him how to chant Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo so that his fire never dies and so that he can actualize all his dreams and live the life of his dreams.
I know that he has a vagabond heart that doesn't want to dwell in just one place and I'm the last person who'll tie him down. But who says I can't love him wholeheartedly and appreciate him all the same.
Well, that's that. Mad has made me tea. It's Ku Va's birthday today that we are celebrating and I've already received a few calls to go there.
I'm really missing Arun's smile.
Now I'll drink that cuppa and head off.
Love,
Me.
6.33 pm
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