I have been caught in this negative loop for a very long time. Arun did tell me he has a lot of options and many times he's alluded to it being over.
At the same time we have both been affectionate and loving towards each other. I want him in my life and I don't want to hurt him and I'm scared of getting hurt. He has left me confused many times. When I asked him about it he said it's been ten months since we broke up, indicating that I should have gotten over him.
I don't think I'll ever let him go from my life. Not just because I love him romantically but also because I love talking to him. I love hearing his voice and I love seeing him smile.
I love it when I talk to him over the phone even though he never calls me these days.
I'm kind of moving out of this state of limbo into practicality. I'm still confused about what I want or if I should go out on dates because he's given me mixed signals. A huge part of me wants a connection with him for life, some kind of companionship because he's a great guy who I truly love. I don't think I'd be able to love any other guy like that. I'm confused.
But I think he is entertaining other options. Otherwise he would definitely call or message me.
Why are relationships/friendships or whatever, human interactions, so hard. And why didn't Arun choose me? Does he not love me as a person?
I think he's a fantastic human being and I'm feeling a sense of loss. I don't know what to do.
May be because I'm a loyal kind of girl who knows that any kind of decision on my part would impact the future. I would create the cause right there. I did decide through all this very fervently that I want Arun but he seems to have closed off completely. Why is that?
That really hurt me and I ended up hurting him in return.
It doesn't seem like he values stability in relationships. And I wish he would.
I have never ever manipulated him.
Love,
Me.
4.49 pm
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