Yesterday were the first two shows of Beshaur. I was well accepted. Strangers walked up to me as always and adulated me. My entire family was there except Melon and Kat :), a few friends came but Melon, Kat and Arun were missing from the show. I realised that I can't really expect anything from Arun. He has taught me to keep my expectations really low. The music of the play received applause and we were all praised. I was a little depressed at first that A wasn't there but then I decided to look ahead.
We ended the night with Biryani that was oh so yum.
Many many memorable things happened during the show like Arjun getting locked up in the toilet and Pri demanding an entire green room to herself with Hi's blood boiling and me playing pacifier. I was hungry, I was tired and I was excited.
When the final photograph of the group was clicked I had a massive deja vu from a dream many months ago even before the rehearsals of the play. I missed Arun in the moment a lot. But when I had that deja reve moment I let it go realising that in my dream I had already conceptualised that Arun wouldn't be there. It is as it is.
Today I woke up really late, after 10 o clock. I went to meet N and she said she would be away for a month. She seems to be struggling a lot and my heart goes out to her. She said that I don't know what I mean to her and that she thinks a lot about me. Really?
I came back home late amidst a downpour and just relaxed with YouTube and soon as expected I received a call from Ku Va asking me to join him and Ra Ti at the rehearsal space for coffee.
I went there and beautiful old music was playing. We had two samosas each and ghuta hua coffee by Ku Va. There was a certain gentleman from Allahbad there.
We spoke a lot and Ra Ti discussed his web series with me. He told me something very important, something I will carry with me forever. He said that I should not bask in the praise and the adulation and I should focus on the future. That really echoed. If we keep focusing on all the praise we receive we get stuck in the highs unable to move and unable to take hardworking low-feeling strides towards the future. That is something I needed to hear.
I just came back from the rehearsal space and Ra Ti messaged asking me if I'd like to take a walk because he wants to discuss something with me. I told him I will but only for a bit because I really want to work on my Tarot channel. I do. And I also don't want to spend so much time with him. I don't know why.
In other news I sent Arun a clip from yesterday's show. He said that I'm a good actress. That actually made my day.
There is a great distance between us and it seems like he's comfortably friendzoned me and I have done so much to my chagrin.
Ra Ti told me that he's taking Beshaur to Prithvi. Now that should be fun!
Now I just wish this rain would stop so that I could finish meeting Ra Ti and work on my Tarot readings.
I am feeling very very good today.
I am so grateful that Arun appreciated me today. His appreciation means a lot to me because I know he'll always come from a place of truth. I share everything with him-- the good, the mediocre and the ugly because I feel so comfortable with him. I know he judges me for that.
I am grateful for N. She is wonderful.
I am grateful for my wonderful family.
I am grateful for the samosas and coffee I had today.
I am grateful for my Tarot cards.
I am grateful for people who love me.
I am grateful for love.
I am grateful for the yummy fish Muro I had this afternoon.
After a long time today I'm feeling positive. I feel like the person I was in the newsroom who accomplished a lot of things. Lots of old me is coming alive within.
I am grateful for this blessed wonderful life.
Karma is what it is. As you sow so shall you reap. I'm feeling too awake to meditate but meditate I will.
Love,
Me.
7.50 pm
No comments:
Post a Comment