Last night Abhi Kaku and family left after 1 am and we all went to sleep rather late. Chun has such a serene look on her face, she bears an aura of tranquility just like her mom.
I notice that mom's forehead bears lines of worry and anger as does See Dhi's forehead. Abhi kaku's forehead looks troubled. My father's entire head is too sweet and Arun, well Arun's head is the sweetest and smells the best.
I woke up exactly at 10 am from an intricate dream from which I remember talking to Arun a lot and him listening with his head turned sideways looking into the distance. When I woke up and reflected I remember this from the first time I laid bear my heart to him and told him that I love him deeply. That night too he had turned his head just like that while listening to me.
I really love him.
I woke up and quickly had a bath and attended the zadankai at our place. We saw Ma, See Dhi, Dee, Ap, their friend Shiv and Ku Va (my friend who came late) and me in attendance. I missed the Gongyo because I was busy making coffee for myself.
But I chanted for over ten minutes with the gang.
From my practice of Buddhism I have come to realise that the only trick to good luck and good fortune is praying for other people and wishing them well in our hearts no matter how they treat us. I have seriously big prayers, for myself and others. I pray for the hugest victories for all my friends, especially for Arun.
Dee shared her experience which was so encouraging. All the experiences of victory validate this point. It's in other's happiness that our victory lies.
Ma took the study of nine consciousnesses. I judge my mother too harshly. She is a wonderfully sweet woman and my whole heart is hers. She is my very heartbeat. She was looking so pretty in her grey saree that Dimma had bought her and she has the personality of a scholar, of someone who reflects deeply.
After the meeting I went down with Ku Va and we had Chai and I smoked a cigarette. He told me how he has been struggling.
After I came back home I sent Arun a message telling him to never give up on his dreams. I don't ever want him to give up on his dreams.
I also sent Ku Va an encouraging message.
Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo has a unique powerful vibration that causes one to be so happy. I really some day want to be able to tell Arun about it. His life will change. But I always feel that he won't be open to it.
Then I chanted for about ten minutes and did my Gongyo.
Lunch was fish, Dal, Aloo fry, karela fry. I am so grateful for the sumptuous food I eat each day. I think I'll eat a mango after I finish writing this and pray for half an hour.
Just a while ago Na Bho called to check on me. And I told him how grateful I am for Beshaur. It was just what I needed to happen in my life.
This De Jh sends me long clingy messages that really put me off. I don't really know him that well and it's really bugging.
Today I think I'm going to chant and focus on writing.
I'll shoot videos tomorrow.
I have three meetings on Tuesday.
When you desire something with your whole heart the entire qayanat conspires for you. It's all about our ichinen, our innate determination and intention.
There are so many things we desire and seeing those desires not materialise demotivates us but at the same time we have so much else going for us that we are not grateful for. Take Arun for example. I should be so grateful that he's still a part of my life and that he picks up my calls.... I am so so so grateful for that.
Where there is invisible virtue, there is visible reward. The heart is the greatest harvester and what we sow in it bears fruit as forests of our reality. Our destiny is always in the making, it is creationary.
Also I must make greater efforts to discipline my mind and be always present. I find that when I'm wishing people around me well and not dissatisfied I'm usually more calm.
I am feeling:
Happy.
Loving towards Arun and Ma.
Loving towards all.
A little worried about my father.
Determined.
Happy as can be.
Determined to be the best version of myself.
Looking forward to meeting Tillu this week.
I am grateful for all the people in my life and all of life's experiences good and bad.
I am super grateful for my parents, my brother, Sadhya and Arun.
I am so grateful that Arun is in my life.
I look forward to the future with hope and dreams for myself and all the people I love and I'm so grateful that I have hope in my heart.
I am grateful for all that I have.
Love,
Me.
4.31 pm
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