We are just back from Abhi kaku's place. He and Chun are alone in Bombay and called us home.
Ive started eating mutton again even though i don't like eating it. There was nothing else on the menu.
I reflected a lot on what happened in the morning. The biggest truth is that I can't change it. It's happened. I apologised to Psha and Suma and there is nothing more to be done.
Omee called but i didn't take his call because it was too late.
There are five prongs to actualisation according to me:
1. Acceptance: Of which it is vital to accept reality just as it is. Arun is married. It is futile actually to pine after him. It is futile to want something to happen. That reality can't be changed.
Then i am Ruma and DJ Sengupta's daughter. Bani and Shadhan Gupta and Savitri and Parimal Sengupta's granddaughter. Lal Mohan Sen's great granddaughter and i must live up to their expectations and do them proud! I partly come from the royal family of Bengal and am from a family of learned stalwarts. I have to live up to that!
Thirdly, i am an addict, a nicotine addict. I've done tons of alcohol and drugs too in life. And i must stay away from addiction and nicotine. It will happen.
Acceptance is vital. Acceptance of circumstances, acceptance of truth, acceptance of reality. Someone sonewhere has it worse. We see it all the time in the movies. So to be grateful for what one has, deeply, genuinely grateful.
2. Contentment: be happy with what you have keeping goals, aspirations and ambition in mind. Be grateful for what you have. Someone somewhere has it worse.
3. Happiness: Be happy because it is only in happiness that you can make others happy. So again, be grateful, super grateful!
4. Hard work: Work hard even when you are floundering. Small victories lead to big ones. And be grateful for the little and big steps you are able to take.
5. Beauty and grace: Not one thing can be achieved without dignity, beauty and grace so conduct yourself with dignity always. Always.
It's only today that I realise what shame Ma and Pa must feel over me and i must make amends. I must.
And of course like i always tell everyone pray for yourself, pray for others, forgive and be super grateful, always. And always be dignified. Always.
I can't change the past but i can definitely take steps in the present.
In future journal entries i want more clarity as to my career path, the path that I'm on.
I will always conduct myself with dignity-- forgive, seek forgiveness and forgive myself.
Things could have been far worse. Nothing is lost.
I spoke to DeJh for about half an hour on the phone. He said some very personal things to me that i should not put up here in the journal.
It's only today that I've realised that i must choose my friends wisely. I really want to be away from Bha and Su. They are a bad influence on me. I was kind in accepting their friendship but it's only today that I've realised how much sangatti matters. It makes a world of difference.
So i wont be hanging out with shanky after this.
It's all in the mind, it's all in the habits, it's all in grace. A beautiful mind leads to a beautiful reality.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.
I am grateful that somehow i pulled through the zadankai.
I am grateful for my parents.
I am grateful for the beautiful people in my life.
I am grateful for love and life.
I am grateful for my brother.
I am grateful for Melon and Kat.
I don't ever want to be dependent on anyone. I don't want to trouble anyone in life and in death.
Cheers to that!
I accept my reality. I am content with the situation even though it could be much better. I'm striving to be happy so that those around me are happy. I will work hard; i just need clarity. And i will always conduct myself with beauty and grace. Always. May i be blessed on that front.
I am grateful for family and friends.
Love,
Me.
12 38 pm
No comments:
Post a Comment