I've been meaning to update you all day. There are so many things to write.
Firstly, i'm just back from Suma's place after a study meeting and am sitting on the building bench. A young impoverished boy tried to follow me in and asked for my number. Polite that i am i tried very hard to get away from him.
Then a police officer i've met a few times stopped me in the middle of the road. He was with his wife and cute little daughter. He offered to buy me pani puri. He is a sweet sort of man. I politely declined. He was curious about what i'm up to in life. I told him that I'll update him later.
Then Bha followed me from somewhere and asked if i want coffee. We smoked a few cigarettes and i told him it's too late to have coffee. A cat is snuggling me at the moment and wants to play with me. I love this cat. She is literally all over me.
Then some man who introduced himself to me as Jeetu stopped me in the middle of the road and tried to engage me in talk. Whew! What is really happening! Isn't that a lot to process dear journal?
Today is the last day of my period and it's been a real rollercoaster. I had a major arising for over a week and found it difficult to work. Today just flashed by. I thought a lot, a lot about Arun. I know i'll always, ALWAYS love him.
It's foolish i realised today to expect anything. Sometimes my heart burns, sometimes i'm all over the place when it comes to him.
And yes, today i attended my first Smoker's Anonymous meeting. It was in Hindi. I shared my journey. It's so difficult to quit cigarettes.
Oh yes, also RaTi invited himself over for coffee and was encouraging me towards my career. He told me to focus on one thing. I feel like i'm literally all over the place!
I miss Arun, i love him but he doesn't reply to my messages, doesn't call me up, doesn't.... yet, the heart yearns for him. There is real, pure love there for him.
Now i'll smoke a cigarette and chant and sleep.
May tomorrow be a far more productive day. I am such an honest person!!!! Really truthful! You make me better dear journal. This cat licked me just now. She is so cute!!!! Shona cat....
I am feeling:
Heart full of love
Sweet
Happy
Calm
Realistic
Happy that i tided through this PMS so well without support. Well, DeJh came and met me. If he hadn't it would have been far worse. So i'm truly grateful for that.
Simple
Ambitious
Clear-headed
I just met Jatin and his wife Kaveri.
I am grateful for these beautiful cats in the building, especially the cat snuggling me at the moment.
I'm grateful for food. I've also lost my appetite and have been skipping meals. I did not eat lunch today.
I am grateful for money.
I am grateful for Smoker's Anonymous.
I am grateful for my Buddhist practice.
I am grateful for God who guides me and God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.
I am grateful for all my friends. I am grateful for Arun.
I am grateful for my parents, my little brother and Sadhya.
And i am super grateful that my Period is over. This was a real rollercoaster!
I am grateful for life's myriad moments.
I am grateful that I'm happy.
Love,
Me.
9.29 pm
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