Today i started the day a little lackadaisically. I chanted, i meditated and did two yoga asanas. I could do more you know.
This PMS this time left me feeling so alone and depressed. And i woke up with that feeling. I saw a dream where Theory of Madness was being discussed.
After my session in the garden i cleaned my room while doing oil pulling. Then i had a bath. I planned to wear Ma's long black skirt with a black top but as i was preparing to bathe i called RJhav for some numbers and he asked to meet me.
So i bathed and wore my long black dress. I felt that my pulse rate was high so i lay down for about 18 minutes after having three huge cups of tea. I have to tell DuMa to make less tea.
Then i applied a little bit of foundation, a touch of lipstick and kajal, wore my new earrings, combed my hair and left to meet RJhav.
I met Himesh Reshamiya there and some other actors and spoke to RJhav.
RJhav told me that many people start their acting career at 40 but i shouldn't say no to bold roles because these days the trend and content demands it. He asked me to be mentally strong when i complained about the casting couch.
We then had coffee and i left.
I called up DeJh and spoke to him for about an hour. He asked me to make efforts towards my dreams. For some reason he keeps telling me to do speech and drama classes. Now many people give me their opinion but i wish they would not. It crowds the mind with unwarranted ideas.
I missed the 5 o clock Smokers Anonymous meeting and spoke to another casting director in the meantime who said he would meet me.
Tomorrow before i check my mail i'll do a small recording, just for fun to practice acting.
Then i chanted for over half an hour and by that time it was almost 8.
I left for a walk and went and met Bha. He talks crap but he is some connection.
Now there is a Smokers Anonymous meeting at 9.30. Hopefully i can attend that.
My priorities:
Mental and physical health: regular practice of yoga, meditation, pranayam and chanting and working on my self-belief, self confidence and motivation.
Career and money: Each day moving closer to my goals and making efforts no matter how liminal.
Connection: Connecting with those in my life in a harmonious manner and cherishing connection.
Experiences: Travel and gaining experiences of wonderful myriad kinds.
Im sitting on the building bench at the moment and the mosquitoes are devouring me and my cat, the old one, is sitting snuggling me. The kids are all playing about me and being generally naughty.
Whatever i've prayed to God ive always got. Even the current state of my life is an answer to my prayers. But i don't want this limbo anymore.
Hope Arun is well-- i bless him with good luck, good fortune, good health and good experiences and the realisation of all his dreams.
I want my health to support me all through my life and i want to live my life independently without troubling a soul in life and in death.
It's exactly 9 pm.
I'm feeling:
Itchy from mosquito bites
Grateful that my period is over. This was tough.
Happy
Peaceful
Loving
Pretty because i'm wearing my lenses.
I love this new long black dress. I'm so grateful that Ma bought it for me.
Oh, and i also bumped into Kailash Kher and we greeted each other and spoke a bit.
I am grateful that my morning routine is back.
I am grateful for the people who adorn my life like RJhav, DeJh, Bha, Arun, my sweet cute parents, my brother and all those i know.
I'm grateful for my loving heart, beautiful mind, sturdy body and expansive soul.
I am grateful for the food I eat, the shelter over my head and the money in my kitty and for that i'm immensely grateful to my parents.
I am grateful that DuMa and Madhuri serve us so dilligently and professionally.
I am grateful for love.
I am grateful for my health and my body.
I am supergrateful for Arun and all the ways he's there.
I am grateful for my Delhi Agra trip.
I am grateful for books and movies and music.
I am grateful for my hands that do the work of love and my feet that tread in love.
I am grateful for clothes.
I am grateful for my Delhi Agra trip. It should be good.
I am grateful for the Tarot.
I am grateful for my phone, my laptop, for the internet and for technology.
Love,
Me.
9.09 pm
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