Dear Journal,
I had a dream that Arjun, Shagun, Ra Ti and may be Arun and Na too were doing a recce for a film and arranging a room for a shot by clamming up the whole space with lots of junk.
There was a small pan stall from where i was supposed to buy pan.
Finally i was supposed to sleep with Ra Ti and i tell him that he should also pleasure me; it shouldn't be about just me pleasuring him and then i pleasure myself. Then i woke up. This reminds me of the times spent with A.
Somehow everytime i think about Arun the image of him wiggling on the dance floor comes to mind.
Yesterday i thought about my emotional state when related to Arun. On the face of it it seems like I've moved on. It has been over 5 months since we met.
But if i could (if it wouldn't bug A) i would still love to kiss him, smell him, hold his hand, put my finger up his nose and tell him that he is the cutest, which he is.
M Scott Speck writes in his book that even after the act of falling in love one may feel that the feeling has disappeared as i feel these days and that one has fallen out of love. But love is discipline and consistency. Baaton Baaton mein a couple doesnt need to worry, the flames of love can be ignited again.
Elton John: "It aint no sacrifice/when things go wrong/ and the scent of her lingers/temptation's strong/into the boundary/of each married man/ sweet deceit comes calling/ and negativity lands/cold cold heart/hard done by you...." heart hard done by you. Unless a couple has irreparable differences they should not separate.
I wish more people read Peck.
I don't know what to make of my dream.
I am feeling:
Alone
Lonely
Missing Arun
Now ill do yoga.
Im grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
8 07 pm
Ps: i think it's the thought that Arun has probably slept with someone that made it easier to get closure.
8.08 am
Ps: What i feel is that once in love one should not chase the feeling. The feeling passes, the feeling is in flux. One should chase consistency. It's consistency and trust that build lasting relationships. The feeling will come, the feeling will go. Frankly, right now there is no feeling in me for quite some time but there is consistency in my vision-- that Arun is cute, sweet and loveable.
1 50 pm
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