Everyhwere amidst the rich and the poor there are good and bad people. Arun used to say that he is a bad person but compared to the masses he is a really good guy. Who doesn't have flaws? He is much better than the average Joe.
Having said that Arun seems like a dream from a long time ago, something that happened a long time ago.
My hormones are fluctuating and I've been feeling really negative and a tad aggressive. To face each moment to the best of one's ability is the trick.
How can i add value to this moment? How can i help someone now?
In Arundhati Roy's memoir she talks about regularly drinking with the watchman of her college and her neighbours in Nizamuddin, her friend Carlos, her sexual escapades, her mother's unmotherliness etc.
That reminds me of my own life. My drinking sessions with Su, drinking coffee with Bha, having rum and coke with my driver at Asian Age. I can't really reject good people. Having said that Susha and P Dass give me positively bad vibes. Especially Susha with his blood shot eyes, manipulation and lies. Compared to that Su and Bha are so much better.
I got two interview calls for short term projects today. But alas! Im travelling to Delhi. Let's see how it goes.
I have to teach Angsh Omee how to chant. Mostly i'll do that tomorrow.
I think I am over Arun. I am no more longing for him. But there is a residual fondness that i think will never die, the remnants of memorable times.
I'm in no hurry to find someone. When someone nice comes along I'll know. PA pa was a really nice guy.
Today Ma fell asleep while she was talking to a student so she came home to snooze. She has just woken up and was chanting a while ago.
Someone kept white chocolate in the hall and i gobbled all of it.
Tomorrow i have to meet De Jh and his cousin. Hope the meeting goes well.
Last night i saw Arun in a kind of longish dream but i snoozed for so long after the dream that I don't remember it. I think he was wearing off-white in the dream.
I am feeling:
Like my forehead is furrowed and heavy
Happy
Loving
Benevolent
Ambitious in a realistic sort of way
Self-protective
Accommodative
The anxiety of the past week has eased
I am grateful for the food i eat, the shelter i have and the money i have.
I am grateful for tea and coffee.
I am grateful for the white chocolates i gobbled.
I am grateful for Ma, Pa, Buo bacha and Sadhya.
I am grateful for all my friends.
I am grateful that i am in momentum.
I am grateful for my wardrobe.
I am grateful for the movie i watched today.
I am grateful that Arun and I are on talking terms.
I am grateful for the internet and all my devices.
I am grateful that i am going to Delhi and Agra.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.
I am grateful for de Jh's friendship.
I think it's been a week since I've read. Now i'll just sit and read.
Love,
Me.
7.33 pm
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