My storage on my phone was 98 per cent full. So i was going through all my photos and videos looking at which ones i could delete.
Of course, i started perusing through all the photos and 2 videos with Arun
There were two things i surmised. One was that we were definitely deeply in love. The second was that yes, i was in an unwell frame of mind some times.
Firstly, that is embarrassing. Secondly, Arun must have been so sad and so unhappy. He doesn't need that. If it were not for that we would probably still be together. He deserves better.
Thirdly, and most importantly, i must always take my medicines. I feel so sad that i put Arun through all that. And i truly do miss him.
He called me mad when leaving me definitively. He compared me to the other women in his life.
I must have put him through a lot....
I feel sad. Will i ever find another man? I don't want a man like Ro or Bha who would accept me no matter what and want to marry me whether i loved them or not.
I want a vibrant Arun. May be Arun will never quite come back because i put him through a lot. Even asking him for money... thinking about it now is so embarrassing.
The morning has become the afternoon and i've kind of chugged along.
It's a slow day. I think ill go down for a walk, get some fresh air. Then i have an assignment to do.
I am feeling:
Teary
Hurt
Hurt by myself
Determined to make the most of my life
Eager to fill the day with accomplishments
Loving
Full of love
Not so sad that i don't feel happy
Stable
Sedate
I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
1.32 pm
No comments:
Post a Comment