This week i felt really depressed. I went down today and meditated and chanted and did a few asanas despite waking up late.
Then P Dass called. I told him that i am not ready to do any readings with him. He tried to convince me a bit but he is basically a conman.
Then i was feeling so alone that i called up De Jh. I can't call Arun so many times na.
De Jh said i was sounding so gloomy that he would come and meet me. We met in the evening. This whole week has gone by like a dream.
I burst into tears as i was talking to him and told him about my struggles in my career, my struggles with mental health, about how i still love Arun.
He chastised me for smoking cigarettes and spoke about the struggles in his own life. I saw him in a new light today as someone who is kind and compassionate with a large heart.
Then i came home and chanted. As i was chanting i realised that i should stay away from Su, Bha, anshu Omee, Susha, P Dass... they are not good guys even though they talk sweetly. Bolne ke liye to everyone is sweet to the face. To protect myself i should stay away from such men.
I really don't want to sleep with anyone. I want to purify my senses. I'll always keep the memory of Arun alive in my heart.
De Jh and i decided that on Saturday we would go to meet his friend and go for a movie.
I'm prepared to be single in the long run. It's better than mixing in the wrong company.
Tomorrow Ra Ti has a screening at the Bombay International Film Festival. I hope i wake up in time so that i can be there.
Just because one feels the urge doesn't mean that one has to follow it. I am better off without a guy.
May i always be surrounded by good friends.
Now i'll pray a bit more.
I am feeling:
Happy
Healthy
Benevolent
I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my heart.
Love,
Me.
10 20 pm
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