After about eight hours of staying sobre I smoked two cigarettes and then another one. And i've been battling the urge ever since. I just downed three Halls. Halls has become so chewey and gooey.
Any addiction eats away at the very fabric of life. Today's sobriety showed me that.
I just chanted wholeheartedly and ate my dinner and am down to write this.
Pa worries me. He has become so quiet. I hope he is happy. I love my dad.
There is an urge to go up and grab some coins and buy a cigarette to be honest. I don't want to take udhaar.
What should i do?
I am feeling:
A heartache
A little irritable
Reasonably happy
Not too happy with the progress i made at the workfront today. I had a narcolepsy like feeling in the afternoon and dosed and woke up only for the Nica meeting.
There is a little emptiness within me. I don't know why.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
9.40 pm
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