I woke up in the morning from deep sleep. It seems like i am recovering from something, sleep is so deep. I vaguely remember the dream i spoke about earlier with Arun and have forgotten the longer sequence of the dream.
The first thing in Nicotine Anonymous is to accept that one is an addict. The most important thing is to believe in a higher power and surrender to it.
There is a 12 step programme that i am trying to get familiar with. A nice pahadi looking gentleman shared all the literature with me last night after our meeting. Also one has to keep attending meetings even after quitting for support during recovery.
There is a meet on the 31st of Jan that i would like to attend.
I smoked my last cigarette a while ago. YoNa called me up and spoke about his journey of smoking. He also asked me to apply to HT. But ShiCha is there and also the newsroom stresses. Let's see. I have the Eaxs job in Jan.
I should do that dilligently.
I haven't put up Tarot videos for 2 weeks. Somehow it just didn't happen with me PMSing. Then today i have the Nica meeting, tomorrow I'm going out for a movie and then on Sunday i have the zadankai. I also have to pack for my Delhi Agra trip. I don't think i have any sweaters anymore.
The prayer in Nica is:
Dear God please give me the serenity to accept those things that are beyond my control.
Please give me the strength and courage to change the things I can.
And please give me the wisdom to differentiate between the two.
(My addition:) Dearest God, thank you for giving me the courage to live free of nicotine.
I think I'll recover today now that I've quit and do Tarot readings from Monday.
In life one must accept reality and be content, otherwise it brings unhappiness not just to oneself but also to others.
DuMa was a little rude to me today. I was so taken aback that I didn't know what to say.
I want to mainly quit smoking:
For sobriety
For money (i could have bought a house by now. Also abominable things like borrowing money from A, mom to smoke is stupid, very stupid.)
For health
For self respect
For time
For taste
For strength
I believe in a higher power and it is guiding me and nourishing me. I believe in God and i believe in myself.
It's despicable to be an addict. And i have faced addiction for 20 years. I look forward to my sobriety. I look forward to a life free of nicotine.
I am feeling:
Super hopeful
Free
Happy
A little bit stressed
Eager to attend the Nica meeting today
Ma will be the happiest if i successfully quit which i will!
No colas, no cigarettes, no bondage.
Now i feel like going down for a walk but i wont. I'll sit and check my mail. I hope i can go through the Delhi trip without cigarettes.
I am grateful for Nicotine Anonymous.
I am grateful for God and God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.
I am grateful for work.
I am grateful for the money that i have, for the food that i eat and for the shelter over my head.
I am grateful for all the people who adorn my life, especially Ma, Pa, Buro and Arun.
I am grateful for my clothes.
I am grateful for my warm personality.
I am wearing my shiny black tank top with blue trousers.
This morning i chanted, meditated and did pranayam and i did my full sequence of yoga with Hoshi T watching me and talking to me.
When i get a craving:
I am supposed to wait for 20 minutes.
Start getting busy with something.
Drink water
And do deep breathing.
I can also do a few yoga asanas.
Dear God, please give me the strength to be nicotine free and guide me, Ma, Pa, Buo, A and all my friends to make the most of each moment. Thank you for everything!
Love,
Me.
1.30 pm
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