How did I come to be here? And if I could do simply anything what would it be? And where am I headed?

When i was a little girl i was considered talented, not beautiful but veritably talented.

Right from studies to singing to athletics to dramatics to elocution to art and painting, except dancing, I did it all.

So how did I come to be here? Struggling as a Tarot consultant, writer and actress.

I studied Life Sciences in college. It wasn't my subject of choice. If given a choice i would have probably studied Psychology or English Literature or Theatre/Acting or Fine Arts.

Despite going on to do my Masters in Life Sciences my career choices saw me carving a niche in Journalism for 12 years where i grew to be deputy news editor.

This taught me that educational choices should really follow the heart. I was a good journalist, considered talented, and i survived the immense pressure without taking vacations for 12 whole years.

But finally, i burnt out. It was the repeated consistent stress with zero social life outside the newsroom and no vacations for 12 years that blummied me. And kaboom! I decided to call it quits.

Even when i started off as a journalist,  when my day ended at 4 or 5 am and started at 12 or 1 pm the next day i kind of knew that with such timings journalism for me was not for the long haul despite the passion. At that time i wanted to find a nice guy, get married, have a few children and settle down.

Two things. Firstly, destiny is such a thing that it can't be erased. There is something like fixed karma that will tide you through life. Secondly, intention defines the entire journey. My intention forewarned me of my fate.

Then, i found theatre and film gigs easily. I was 34 at the time.

In the first month after quitting the newsroom in 2019 when i was seriously engaged with a play i got 26 job offers-- in one month! I don't know what triggered it. I had not applied for any jobs. But it boosted my ego that if i wanted, jobs were all for the asking.

In the few years that followed i did several plays, a few films, a few ads and here i am sitting at the wrong age i think, but still moving, still trying. I also held brief stints in public relations and advertising.

About a decade ago i had started experimenting with Tarot so i also worked briefly for Astro Talk and Astro Sage in the last two years and recently launched my YouTube channel.

I don't know why but i also had meltdowns on social media, found myself in the company of men who i later regretted knowing and also fell in love that led to heartbreak.

If there was one thing i would like to do it would be all three but my preference would lean on writing. With artificial intelligence writing as we knew it (the disciplined, planned, artful, original kind) seems to be dying and much to my chagrin i've bemoaned my fate. And i've been trying to get to the better side of it, using AI to analyse my work, knowing that it is my very formidable competition.

These days i give the odd audition but they are few and far between. My last film was about a year and a half ago and i did two plays recently.

So i increasingly find myself leaning on Tarot to cover my expenses. But i want more, much more.

I know that my meltdowns on social media have affected my reputation and AI has more so. But i move each day; each moment i'm in momentum.

I harbour big dreams and i keep trying. I'm not stationary, i'm in momentum but sometimes caught in inertia. And as i've realised im lazy. After my experiences I've become wary of the kind of company i keep in the film and theatre industry so i barely step out except to meet a few friends.

I just wanted to share my journey today as a self-reflection that i still have hope and i am becoming and that says it all!