I woke up at 8.48 today as I just wasn't getting any sleep last night.
I did my yoga, meditation, chanting in the garden. I didn't push myself too much with the asanas.
Yesterday I shot 6 Tarot videos and then Ma came home and I had a slight spat with her. She is incorrigible.
Then I left for RaTi's party. With the usual people in attendance was Jayanthimala Devi, Sitara Devi's daughter, and her husband.
It was a good party. PA pa did not attend.
The hold of Arun over my heart is getting lighter. I feel that I'm better able to cope these days. I wish i had not sent him the message of missing him the last time. That was heavy.
I kind of feel all alone. Like i have just myself in the world.
Dad is not really talking to me, Ma is abrasive so it's best not to talk to her and i have no boyfriend.
Each day Su Ra and Geeks send me messages. It's welcome in an unwelcome world.
I feel ashamed of having had delusions. In a way i slightly, very slightly feel shame.
I feel like I'm not stuck but the monetary benefits of my efforts are a little far!
And yes! I got a Tarot client yesterday, some cheap boy talking about his girlfriend in a cheap manner.
I read in the news about Lawrence Bishnoi and Goldie Brar's gang war and thought about Arun. Immediately below that was the news of the Pope's visit to Lebanon. I'd rather know Bishnoi than the Pope I thought even though I am more Pope-like.
I wish my mind had not hallucinated, i wish I'd never been deluded and I wish A were still here or someone like him to love me and take care of me while I take care of him.
I seek a companion in life, someone i can talk to and share my life with. I really really want that. And i want money.
Yesterday i came home with Chbh Singh and he held my hand in the rickshaw. Of course i moved it away but what is with this class of men?!
Where are all the decent men?! I want a nice decent man to love and own. And i want to be rich and moneyed. And most importantly I want to be supremely happy and healthy.
And i want a breakthrough.
Hope Arun is making headway in his career.
I am feeling:
Happy
Loving
Slightly despondent.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, grace and blessings on my life.
Love,
11.57 am.
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