I come home after work every Monday to find that Ma has gone into my private spaces and placed everything in my room in disarray. No amount of pleading with her can stop her. So despite feeling angry, despite getting irritated I have to bear this!!!!!!! SHE IS SO ANNOYING! i'm feeling so angry with her... I hate this side of her when she makes no amends for anyone... I actually hate it... I hate certain aspects of her especially her control freakiness.
I woke up in the morning close to 9. But I dont remember my dream.
Arun called me up a little after 12. I know he cheated on me and yet, for a long time I've been harbouring feelings for him.
But one thing he said today did it. I was just affectionately teasing him about his nose and he said YOUVE STARTED THIS AGAIN. This is his signature line. Just like Pa's is IM DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.
As I taught my students today I reflected a lot on Arun. I was getting sexual thoughts and then I realised that he doesnt want what I want to give him. So I might as well pour all this love into myself.
His harshness today brought me to tears and I dont want to spend my days crying over him.
Im not ready to date someone new. He doesnt want to address essential issues. And we havent met in months! So this leaves me alone and Im frankly happy with that. Because Arun's anger leads me to depression. I was feeling so depressed today.
Tomorrow I have the study meet. Ill just watch Renaissance now and live my life to the fullest.
I am feeling:
Irritable
Self loving
Happy
Iam grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings and mercy on my life.
Love,
Me.
11.27 pm
No comments:
Post a Comment