Arun called me up before I went to meet SeeDhi today. We spoke for some 20 minutes. I didnt know till he told me that it was Onam today. I hope he had a good day. Muwaaah to him.
Sometimes I fantasize about him.
I told SeeDhi that everytime I think of letting Arun go I just cant sit and chant. She asked me: Let him go where? She said: He wont find anyone like you. You wont find anyone like him. So, she said, stop trying to let him go and dont give your relationship a label. She quoted Gulzar as she said that. She makes a good point. There is really no other Arun Divakaran and there is no other Doel Sengupta.
Today SeeDhi and me had a longish chat. We also studied. She was telling me about her husband and how she wrote him love letters when they were young and he was far away at sea.
Love is the most beautiful feeling. Ill never let my love for Arun die. And frankly, I dont think I want any other man. I want my obnoxious muffat Arun.
Frankly, with a subliminal sexual feeling I was feeling aggressive a little today. Ma said that she has plans to completely redo my room and that really blew my top. I got angry. Then after 8 I switched off the lights in my room and lay down in Shavasana to recalibrate this angry feeling I was feeling towards Ma.
I also thought today that Im living a lifestyle that I individually cant afford. I eat the best meals, live in a fancy house with two servants. My father has kept me by his side with a lot of love. And I mustnt get angry with my parents. They really love me and I them.
Intuitively I know that I'm meant to live an uberly prosperous and extraordinary life. I just hope the money flows in sooner than later.
I am going to prove my wavy life line wrong!
I really wish I could call up Arun to ask him how Onam went for him today. But that's to presumptuous. Let me give him space.
I want Arun to choose me jhalli as I am. I so so so desire him. Cutestpie!
I want to bite his beautiful brown cheeks.
I will prepare my lectures tomorrow.
I am feeling:
Like smooching Arun
Happy
Full of love
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
10.53 pm
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