What DeJh is to me -- annoyingly sweet and affectionate-- I was to Arun. Sometimes you just want the other person to stop being so sweet and affectionate because you will never reciprocate.
I think that is who I was to Arun. I should take his rude insulting tone seriously. I am not welcome in his life.
I need to focus on my own life and move on. How busy can Arun be really that he has absolutely no time to talk? Earning money for his wife and children while always keeping a girlfriend by his side.
What did I really see in him apart from his looks and Nature? And why do I still love him when he has repeatedly said He Doesnt Love Me.
I have to make my life. All the things I know caused a rupture for him I know are true-- my meltdowns on sm, my mental health.... this relationship has been wholly taxing.
SeeDhi is right-- Arun is not giving me anything, he is not offering me a thing, and from the way he talks to me I know he doesn't want me in his life. This is just how I left Ro-- there was nothing in that relationship that was attractive to me and I left him even though he carried fond memories of me.
If Arun had even an iota of sentimentality for me, he would not be so rude.
It's not about him refusing to chant... it's his rude and insulting tone.
I regret telling him that He is Dead to Me. But what I'm seeking is closure. I want this pain to end.
It's best if we never talk ever again. I think I really mean that.
I'm feeling a little dazed and emotional. Surprisingly, I slept rather well last night.
I wish Arun the best from my heart. May all his heart's desires be fulfilled. May he get what he wants from life.
Some people enter our lives just for a season and for some reason.
I should take care of my looks. I'm walking around like a jhalli... a true jhalli... ive stopped bothering to look good this year. That can't go on.
I am feeling:
Loving
Hurt
Reasonably happy
Not expecting one thing from Arun
May he be happy!
I am grateful for God's infinite Love, Grace and blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
3.10 pm
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