I woke up from a dream in the morning that me, Bubul mesho and may be Pa were standing in the balcony of a large wooden house looking out on an expanse of salt pans. Mishu Punjabi was maintaining or keeping the house. I felt happy in the dream and the weather was pleasant.
I then smoked a cigarette and watched Renaissance Tarot. I REALLY REALLY WANT TO STOP SMOKING.
DeJh just called to chant the Bhaktamar for me. HE SAID EVERYONE IS ADDICTED TO SOMETHING AND THAT SMOKING IS UNNACEPTABLE TO SOCIETY. Which world is he living in? Doesnt he know that smoking is legal and porn addiction is in fact taboo.
I find him so irritating actually and I wish I didn't. He is the pious devout porn addict.
I some times feel like distancing myself from him but then I have no one to talk to.
And we discuss similar things-- spirituality and religion and dreams. He says that he is plagued by dreams of sex and ill health.
I think I've become quite the celibate. Apart from my anxiety-ridden yearnings I don't watch porn, I don't masturbate... I'm living the celibate life and I'm happy.
Porn addiction is a whole separate challenge and I don't want to go down that road.
It's been a while since I've done yoga. I'll start again from tomorrow. I chanted for about 25 minutes today.
Now I'll sit and do my evening daimoku and Gongyo. Dear Journal, is there any way you can help me QUIT SMOKING? I don't want another person coming into my arena, saying everybody has an addiction. I really really really want to quit smoking. I can't afford to smoke cigarettes anymore.
Now I'll chant and prepare for my lessons. Power to me!
I am feeling:
Happy
Stable
Slightly irritated with DeJh
Loving
Stiff from lack of movement
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings on my life.
I saw some Arun photos today. He is so cute.
Love,
Me.
5.02 pm
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